My family was sleeping, cause I tend to bore them
Chatting all night on the firearms forum
Questioning Dillinger, still on the fence
About the best shotgun for home self defense
Was just drifting off, when I heard a noise
A tall lanky figure, and some of his boys
The shadows obscured him, but the worst of my fears
No shadow could hide those two big-@$$ ears
"The reason I've entered your house with such stealth
Is to redistribute all of your wealth!"
The room was still dark, He needed no lights,
His eyeballs were glowing like Tritium sights
"Do not be alarmed! I know it seems strange
I'll take all your money, but leave hope and change!"
Just when it seemed hopeless, an angel appears
Frightening him out of his two big-@$$ ears
"It's okay now, Benning, there's no need to hide
I'm here now with you, and Chuck Norris outside"
Her lipstick shone brightly, my country she'd save
She'd keep me from being a Communist slave
Twas then I awoke, with a pain in my head
I'll lay off of Gin before I go to bed
As I turned off the light, a still registered voter
In the distance I heard a snowmobile motor
Happy Holidays everyone.