Moving to New Mexico
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Old 01-11-2011, 06:41 AM   #1
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Default Moving to New Mexico

This Joke was called moving to Arizona, but in light of the recent events, I didn't want to upset anyone, so I renamed it Moving to New Mexico. Enjoy!


MOVING TO New Mexico

May 30th: Just moved to New Mexico. Now this is a state that knows how to live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car, What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of Cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today but I love it here.

July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do
people get used to this kind of heat? At least it is windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer then I expected.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the community pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th: I missed my cat sneaking into the car when I
left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the upholstery. The car now smells like Kibbles and sh!t. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer! And it's hot as hell! The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged me $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now.
$225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the AC fixed today. It cost
me $500 and gets the temperature down to 85 degrees I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th: If another wise ass cracks "Hot enough for you today?" I am going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the
radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!

Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car I thought my butt was on fire. I lost 2 layers flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and butt. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass and baked cat.

Aug. 10th: The weather report might as well be a recording. Hot ! and sunny, Hot and sunny, Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do **** for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next. So my $11,700 worth of cactus will dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug 14th: Welcome to Hell! Temperature got to 120 today Forgot to
crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The
installer came to fix it and said " Hot enough for you today?' My
sister had to spend $1500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking New Mexico.
What kind of sick demented idiot would want to live here? Will write
later to let you know how the trial goes.
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From the great speaker...er uh Barak Obongo

"Liberals make great proctologists. They're the only ones who truly know what the inside of an anus looks like."~me

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Old 01-11-2011, 06:48 AM   #2
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July 20th did it for me...
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Old 01-11-2011, 11:40 PM   #3
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Good story, I laughed.
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Old 01-11-2011, 11:44 PM   #4
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Great story!

July 20th!!
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Old 01-11-2011, 11:45 PM   #5
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I could have wriiten that story myself when I went to school in Phoenix AZ for two years. I hated that state so much, no offense to anyone that lives there, it's just not for me, that I drove a U Haul truck to my graduation, and as son as I walked across the stage, I walked out the door, got in the truck, and drove home to Kommiefornia.
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Old 01-14-2011, 03:55 AM   #6
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But, it's a dry heat. And I love it here.
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Originally posted by Skullcrusher: "I believe the fact that you are LEO speaks for itself. When talking about strong women and guns, you are implied in every statement."

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Glass is proof that women have control over everything in the world.
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Glass has now achieved "Goddess Status" in my mind. I'm not worthy.....
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Old 01-14-2011, 04:05 AM   #7
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I loved it as a kid but have lived in the Northwest too long. Went on TDY down to Yuma Arizona one year and it was about 150 on the tarmac. You couldn't drink enough water. To hell with that stuff. However I now live in one of the rainiest cities in the world.
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Old 01-14-2011, 04:13 AM   #8
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I grew up in Maine. Haven't been baack there since we left in '79. It's hard to forcast those 3 days of summer. Any other time would be too cold for me.
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Integrity is doing good even when no-one is looking


Originally posted by Skullcrusher: "I believe the fact that you are LEO speaks for itself. When talking about strong women and guns, you are implied in every statement."

Quote:
Originally Posted by cpttango30 View Post
Glass is proof that women have control over everything in the world.
Quote:
Originally Posted by M14sRock View Post
Glass has now achieved "Goddess Status" in my mind. I'm not worthy.....
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Old 01-14-2011, 04:55 AM   #9
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I tell you guys what...lol...I'll take all your bad weather, the heat, the rain, the sleet and plagues and I'll move you all to Hawaii.

This can all be yours under one condition...You take all the California politicians with you
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Thomas Jefferson
From the great speaker...er uh Barak Obongo

"Liberals make great proctologists. They're the only ones who truly know what the inside of an anus looks like."~me
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Old 01-14-2011, 05:14 AM   #10
Coffee! If your not shaking, you need another cup
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Thanks for the laugh!

Weather dry and over 100 degrees

At least the weather is not like Al Udeid AB, Qatar - 132 degrees and humidity so thick you can cut it with a chainsaw!

Last edited by Bigcountry02; 01-14-2011 at 05:23 AM.
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