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-   -   Mom passed away (http://www.firearmstalk.com/forums/f12/mom-passed-away-71973/)

partdeux 09-07-2012 02:03 AM

Mom passed away
 
and what an ugly ugly ugly mess!

Don't even know if this can be done in a short story, but I'll try.

January, series of strokes, recovers, rehabs, and very happy in a GREAT assisted living facility.

Early May, her best friend gives her some left over Vicodin. I started noticing a personality change late May. Memorial weekend was an absolute train wreck, during which she decides to go home, encouraged by her nephew and the best friend. I begged my cousin to not help her, and stated that she'd be dead by the end of August if he helped and allowed her to go home. She was very angry at me for not helping her move back home.

We had no conversations, I tired of her screaming at me, and literally stopped taking her calls.

August 10th, I receive a call from the hospital... Did you know your mom has been here since 7/29, and we desperately need you to immediately go file for guardianship. This was on a Friday afternoon, I was reeling from the news, and didn't understand why my DPOA and PA wasn't valid. Several discussions over the weekend with my own attorneys, and trying to get a handle on the situation, and trying to understand what the hospitals problem was... overwhelming doesn't even begin to describe it. Bottom line, by the time they had called me, she was toast... now it was about managing her end of life desires. Monday morning I was at probate court filing the paperwork, against the advice of my attorneys who said the hospital had no standing. I chose the easy route and jumped through their hoop. There is actually a long story behind that, and in defense of the hospital, they were trying to balance out the conflicting legal issues. Emergency hearing is granted for the following Monday, and they appointed a Guardian ad litem, who I could just kiss! She was wonderful in dealing with the hospital, my delusional paranoia sister, and the "enablers". The hospital literally needed a sober grown up to make some decisions.

We were able to put in place Hospice and DNR, which were her verbal and written end of life decisions.

At the Emergency hearing, at the recommendation of the GAL, I withdrew my emergency petition, but left standing the permanent petition, hearing scheduled for three weeks later. I had walked into that court room expecting to see a roomful of attorney's based on all the emails, phone calls, and txt msg during the previous week... nothing. although there was one young suit who said nothing and left immediately after the judge rulings.

Those three weeks were living HELL, why she put so much energy trying to prevent dying instead of using it to live in the first place in beyond me. Even the nurses were calling her the iron lady. the hospital chaplain called my cousin and her best friend "evil evil people". Further suggested the best friend should climb on her broom and fly out of there... this was the CHAPLIN!

Day before the permanent hearing, I called the GAL and suggested we adjourn the hearing for a couple of weeks, which she took care of. My delusional paranoia sister was non stop and relentless with the txt msg, phone calls, etc.

There's a whole lot of other stuff that was going on through this process, but less then two hours after she passed, I received a txt msg, "when do you want to schedule the reading of the will"... That pretty much summed everything up.

Yesterday morning, I woke up extremely unsettled, and called the hospital as soon as I had an opportunity. I normally called every afternoon, not in the morning. She passed a few hours after that phone call. their news in the morning had not been good, but hell, she was three weeks into hospice!

Now just trying to get my head leveled out and somewhat normal again. We're waiting for my sister to authorize the cremation (required by all interested party's in MI), so that can be taken care of. I've fronted the money, which the estate will pay back. Kind of funny, my dead broke sister wants this huge funeral, and I had to ask how she's going to pay for it :) I've got her talked down to a memorial service at mom's fav restaurant... but still who's going to pay for it? I know to never talk to my sister past mid afternoon, the drinking issue begins to take hold and feeds into the delusional paranoia.

As much as I'd like to thing the fun is over, it's only just beginning, especially since the best friend is also the personal representative. I'm thinking court oversight is in my best interest. At least now, it's no longer emotional, it's business :)

gearhead396 09-07-2012 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by partdeux
and what an ugly ugly ugly mess!

Don't even know if this can be done in a short story, but I'll try.

January, series of strokes, recovers, rehabs, and very happy in a GREAT assisted living facility.

Early May, her best friend gives her some left over Vicodin. I started noticing a personality change late May. Memorial weekend was an absolute train wreck, during which she decides to go home, encouraged by her nephew and the best friend. I begged my cousin to not help her, and stated that she'd be dead by the end of August if he helped and allowed her to go home. She was very angry at me for not helping her move back home.

We had no conversations, I tired of her screaming at me, and literally stopped taking her calls.

August 10th, I receive a call from the hospital... Did you know your mom has been here since 7/29, and we desperately need you to immediately go file for guardianship. This was on a Friday afternoon, I was reeling from the news, and didn't understand why my DPOA and PA wasn't valid. Several discussions over the weekend with my own attorneys, and trying to get a handle on the situation, and trying to understand what the hospitals problem was... overwhelming doesn't even begin to describe it. Bottom line, by the time they had called me, she was toast... now it was about managing her end of life desires. Monday morning I was at probate court filing the paperwork, against the advice of my attorneys who said the hospital had no standing. I chose the easy route and jumped through their hoop. There is actually a long story behind that, and in defense of the hospital, they were trying to balance out the conflicting legal issues. Emergency hearing is granted for the following Monday, and they appointed a Guardian ad litem, who I could just kiss! She was wonderful in dealing with the hospital, my delusional paranoia sister, and the "enablers". The hospital literally needed a sober grown up to make some decisions.

We were able to put in place Hospice and DNR, which were her verbal and written end of life decisions.

At the Emergency hearing, at the recommendation of the GAL, I withdrew my emergency petition, but left standing the permanent petition, hearing scheduled for three weeks later. I had walked into that court room expecting to see a roomful of attorney's based on all the emails, phone calls, and txt msg during the previous week... nothing. although there was one young suit who said nothing and left immediately after the judge rulings.

Those three weeks were living HELL, why she put so much energy trying to prevent dying instead of using it to live in the first place in beyond me. Even the nurses were calling her the iron lady. the hospital chaplain called my cousin and her best friend "evil evil people". Further suggested the best friend should climb on her broom and fly out of there... this was the CHAPLIN!

Day before the permanent hearing, I called the GAL and suggested we adjourn the hearing for a couple of weeks, which she took care of. My delusional paranoia sister was non stop and relentless with the txt msg, phone calls, etc.

There's a whole lot of other stuff that was going on through this process, but less then two hours after she passed, I received a txt msg, "when do you want to schedule the reading of the will"... That pretty much summed everything up.

Yesterday morning, I woke up extremely unsettled, and called the hospital as soon as I had an opportunity. I normally called every afternoon, not in the morning. She passed a few hours after that phone call. their news in the morning had not been good, but hell, she was three weeks into hospice!

Now just trying to get my head leveled out and somewhat normal again. We're waiting for my sister to authorize the cremation (required by all interested party's in MI), so that can be taken care of. I've fronted the money, which the estate will pay back. Kind of funny, my dead broke sister wants this huge funeral, and I had to ask how she's going to pay for it :) I've got her talked down to a memorial service at mom's fav restaurant... but still who's going to pay for it? I know to never talk to my sister pat mid afternoon, the drinking issue begins to take hold and feeds into the delusional paranoia.

As much as I'd like to thing the fun is over, it's only just beginning, especially since the best friend is also the personal representative. I'm thinking court oversight is in my best interest. At least now, it's no longer emotional, it's business :)

Whew that's really heavy stuff man hope everything turns out well. My father was an alcoholic we almost lost him but after months in rehab and hospitals and surveys he maid it through and has been clean and sober for 10 years can't imagine if it woulda went the other way my thoughts and prayers are with you

dog2000tj 09-07-2012 02:17 AM

My sincere condolences for your loss partdeux

Gatoragn 09-07-2012 02:21 AM

My heartfelt condolences on the loss of your mother. Prayers in bound for you in this time of distress.

Do not make any decisions in haste. Talk with an attorney that specializes in wills and estates in MI.

colmustard 09-07-2012 02:27 AM

I am sorry to hear of your loss. Prayers for you and yours.

fupuk 09-07-2012 02:31 AM

Sorry to hear about your mom. Hope you keep your head up, it will get better.

fireguy 09-07-2012 02:37 AM

Sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like a real mess, hope you can make it through the aftermath intact.

Mosin 09-07-2012 03:24 AM

Prayers outbound....

vincent 09-07-2012 03:28 AM

Very sorry you've had to go through all that...as if losing your Mom wasn't enough stress to deal with.

Thoughts and prayers friend...

winds-of-change 09-07-2012 04:08 AM

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your Mother. Then to add the mess to it makes it that much unbearable. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay strong.


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