Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hello, President Obama?" a heavily accented Yooper voice said. "This is
Sven, up here at Ollies Bar and Steak House in Bruce Crossing, Michigan.
I am callin' to tell ya'll that we are officially declaring war on
"Well Sven," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news!
How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Sven, after a moments calculation, "there is myself, my
cousin Ollie, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from
Pine's Bar. That makes eight!"
Barack paused. "I must tell you Sven that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Sven. "I'll have to call ya back !"
Sure enough, the next day, Sven called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Sven?" Barack asked.
"Well sir, we have two 4-wheelers, a snowmobile, and Harry's trail
President Obama sighed. "I have to tell you Sven, that I have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one
and a half million since we last spoke"
"Lord above," said Sven, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Sven rang again the next day, "President Obama, the war is
still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified
Ollies ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boys from the coffee shop have joined us as well!"
Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you,
Sven, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My
military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Oh Lord," said Sven, l'll have to call you back."
Sure enough, Sven called again the next day. "President Obama! I am
sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Sven, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat
over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can
feed two million prisoners.."