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Old 09-14-2012, 07:20 AM   #61
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OK, I have not read through the entire thread so forgive me for that.

1) DO NOT have separate birthday parties for your kids. Have one party and tell your parents that they are both invited and if they cannot behave like adults for their grandchild's party then don't come. Say "I am (Sarah's) father. Not yours. Period." I did this and as a result my parents started getting along. Not only that but my dad re-connected with his former best friend as a result.

2) Stop with the crap about you are the final decision in your marriage. You aren't. Get over it. It doesn't matter what you all agreed to in your wedding vows, you are sometimes wrong. Your wife has as much say as you do and she might very well be right more often that you are. Again, get over it. Work it out.

3) Your (and her) parents will eventually need your care when they get old. Work with that. Don't use it as a weapon, or a threat. Just remind them that they will have to rely on you one day. And at the same time remind them that they need to be civil to you, your wife, your children and their exes. What goes around comes around.

That's all for tonight.

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Old 09-14-2012, 10:56 AM   #62
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vikingdad
OK, I have not read through the entire thread so forgive me for that.

1) DO NOT have separate birthday parties for your kids. Have one party and tell your parents that they are both invited and if they cannot behave like adults for their grandchild's party then don't come. Say "I am (Sarah's) father. Not yours. Period." I did this and as a result my parents started getting along. Not only that but my dad re-connected with his former best friend as a result.

2) Stop with the crap about you are the final decision in your marriage. You aren't. Get over it. It doesn't matter what you all agreed to in your wedding vows, you are sometimes wrong. Your wife has as much say as you do and she might very well be right more often that you are. Again, get over it. Work it out.

3) Your (and her) parents will eventually need your care when they get old. Work with that. Don't use it as a weapon, or a threat. Just remind them that they will have to rely on you one day. And at the same time remind them that they need to be civil to you, your wife, your children and their exes. What goes around comes around.

That's all for tonight.
I think with your #2 you may have read mine. I am have been for 33 years and counting. Didn't say I didn't involve her in decisions, she is very much involved. But if after all we don't agree someone has to be the final say. That's me as head of the household. I also said that we back each other, once she made a stand against my mother involving the way she was handling a situation with one of our daughters. The next time I saw my Mom she brought it up, I stopped her cold and told her I loved her, but my wife is my wife and I will never take a side against her. What she does I will support 100%. That's part of my wedding vows too. We both took them to heart and it works great. She is my one and only, my first and last been a great 33years and till death us do part.
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Old 09-14-2012, 11:09 AM   #63
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One more thing to add, if a final decision is made and carried out. It should be over and done done with. If its not settled it festers, and as it festers it grows. It causes other sore spots to develop and they fester until you need to amputate.

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Old 09-14-2012, 01:39 PM   #64
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See therein lies my problem. Ive told her for so long that i will make the necessary changes that she has no faith that i will do it. Change is tough

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Old 09-14-2012, 03:42 PM   #65
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I think with your #2 you may have read mine. I am have been for 33 years and counting. Didn't say I didn't involve her in decisions, she is very much involved. But if after all we don't agree someone has to be the final say. That's me as head of the household. I also said that we back each other, once she made a stand against my mother involving the way she was handling a situation with one of our daughters. The next time I saw my Mom she brought it up, I stopped her cold and told her I loved her, but my wife is my wife and I will never take a side against her. What she does I will support 100%. That's part of my wedding vows too. We both took them to heart and it works great. She is my one and only, my first and last been a great 33years and till death us do part.
You are right, I somehow confused you with the OP.

I still maintain that one spouse should not have an attitude that theirs is the final word if they are not in agreement. If after all you are not in agreement then the issue is not settled and compromise is the only way to settle it. Compromise is not easy (especially for me it seems) but as has been said here before, if it is worth doing it is going to require work.
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