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Old 09-10-2012, 12:43 AM   #21
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I know it seems easy from the outside buts it's crippling to me. I absolutely refuse to have two parties though.
The only reason I say it's simple is because we've been through family drama. People that are in your life should bring you joy and positive energy. If they don't do that, you don't need them. That's how I look at things. Family is not just blood, it's people that you enjoy spending time with. I care about what works for my hubby and I and everyone else can not see me if they want to cause drama.
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Old 09-10-2012, 12:46 AM   #22
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So here is some backstory and thanks to everyone who is posting. We met when we were 19. Did the usual dating and got an apartment together. At the time my parents were going through a very nasty divorce that I was caught in the middle of because I lived with them. So fast forward a anew years and we Re planning our wedding. My parents don't get along so I asked each of them if they could get along for one day for us and take pictures with us. They couldn't tell me yes or no on getting along so we eloped in las Vegas. I didn't tell my parents how I felt about it when it happened. So fast forward a few more years and we have our daughter. My father didn't come to her first two birthdays because of my mother being there. They all came on her third birthday but I was very tense and I had a hard time enjoying it. I never said anything about that to them either. So now our daughter is 4. My father and his girlfriend are always asking to watch our daughter but they like to drink. My father drinks and drives and it's just not safe. I don't have ther heart or balls to tell him because I've been afraid of him my whole life. I also work with him everyday as we. Are both independent electrical contractors for the same company. So mywife feels like ive put my parents first and now I am putting my fathers feelings before my daughters safety. If I had known life was going to die this hard I would have take a different path. Please excuse the spelling, I'm typing this on an iPad.
You were supposed to tell your dad no about watching your daughter in the other thread!!!!! This is your life and family!! They come first before anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When I met ZG we were both going through a divorce. Hers was a piece of cake and mine has baggage! My ex is a complete f**king idiot, my oldest daughter is brainwashed from a religious cult which I haven't seen her since the beginning of December except for 2 days, and my mom was against what we were doing. I haven't talked to my entire family in 6 years because they treated ZG horribly!!! She is my first responsibilty and our youngest daughter. Do not let other people change your marriage and your family plain and simple.
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Old 09-10-2012, 12:46 AM   #23
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I really wish I could just let go. It's so hard for me and I don't know why. I feel like a coward for being afraid of him.

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Old 09-10-2012, 01:43 AM   #24
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I know it seems easy from the outside buts it's crippling to me. I absolutely refuse to have two parties though.
have one party, and one get together, alternate years.

One other thought, sometimes it's really really hard to do the right thing. Dad likes to drink and drive, your daughters safety is more important then his feelings.
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Old 09-10-2012, 02:07 AM   #25
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Ok here it is honer thy father and mother is the rule. Until the vow to love honer and cherish forsaking all others. Once you two say those vows, your supposed to be as one in all you do. You responsibility is to your wife and family, their happiness and safety. Tell your dad the truth why you don't want him keeping your daughter. Offer him time with her while your around. If he doesn't it's his problem not yours. I had to take my stand against my Mom to back up my wife once. Mom got mad but she got over it. I too at one time worked for my father, and as a man had to set him straight too. Work was work and home was home and the two relationships had to remain separate.i soon saw this wasn't entirely possible for him so I move on to other line of work and never looked back.

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Old 09-10-2012, 02:42 AM   #26
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The only reason I say it's simple is because we've been through family drama. People that are in your life should bring you joy and positive energy. If they don't do that, you don't need them. That's how I look at things. Family is not just blood, it's people that you enjoy spending time with. I care about what works for my hubby and I and everyone else can not see me if they want to cause drama.
I agree here. Even though people are related and are 'family' it doesn't mean you always like each other. You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. We get what we get and sometimes family members are just not compatible.

Rurak, you definitely need counseling. Your daughter should never be left with your dad. Your wife is angry because she doesn't feel like you are putting her and your daughter first.

Please get counseling. You all will find new and healthy ways to deal with this situation.
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Old 09-10-2012, 03:15 AM   #27
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Why is it so hard sometimes. We have been married 5 and together 10 and it seems like its getting harder. Any advice is greatly appreciated
If it's worth doing, it's usually work.
Your family first (the one you started). Their needs come first. Your issues with your father, your idiot one-eyed 3rd cousin, your old drinking buddies, or anyone else are secondary to your family. Thats it, no "if, ands or buts." If you have idiot family and acquaintances, you need to explain the facts of life.
Let the small stuff go. Before you get upset over something, ask yourself "Ten years from now, will anyone give a $H*T? If the answer is no, I wouldn't let it keep you up at night. Move on to the stuff that matters.
Pick your battles. See above. Some stuff matters, some doesn't. Figure out whether this thing your POd about is worth fighting over. While your at it, if it's not worth fighting over, it might not be worth getting POd over.
Money. Money kills more marriages than nosy in-laws. Stay on the same page with the significant other. If you're not sure, ask. Ignore it long enough and things will get ugly fast. Have an emergency fund. Your asking yourself, "WTF does this have to do with marriage?" Well, this actually: Nothing is more stressful than being broke. Financial stress is extremely hard on a marriage. So if you can avoid being broke, that's one less thing to chuck a wrench in your marital machinery. So when tranny in your truck pukes all over the highway, you would do well to have money in the bank to repair it without having to pawn your Wife's Grandmothers china.
YMMV.
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Old 09-10-2012, 03:31 AM   #28
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I feel like a coward for being afraid of him.
This is going to sound mean..sorry.
You are being a coward. I understand he is your father, I understand you work with him, I know you are afraid of him...SO WHAT!
Your #1 and #2 priority in life are that little girl and her mother. Tell your father what he needs to hear, if you never see him again at least you know where you stand with him. You can get another job, you cannot get another daughter. If I was your wife I'd be pissed at you too.
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Old 09-10-2012, 03:45 AM   #29
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You are asking a bunch of random guys on a gun forum for marriage advice.....there is a much better source and it's your wife. Take some time, shut down your hobbies and the things that are important to you and talk to her about what she needs and what you can do to help her with them.
Your marriage should be the most important human relationship in your life, care for it like it is.

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Old 09-10-2012, 03:48 AM   #30
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A couple things pop out to me.

#1. Your wife and child should always come first. If mom and dad would interfere with that, then they take a back seat.

#2. Some call it karma. Some call it the law of sowing and reaping. Whatever you call, it manifests itself in some pretty interesting ways in relationships. Be very careful of judging other people (particularly your parents) for their shortcomings. It is one of the surest ways to duplicate their mistakes in your own relationships. Don't ask me how it works. It just does.

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