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Old 09-09-2012, 11:33 PM   #11
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Wow! What a big question and the range of possible answers is so huge, I'm not sure I could even be of help. I've been married 13 years now and every now and then I've made good decisions for our marriage (like being a lot nicer than I wanted to be, ignoring really pretty women who dug me, looking beyond the hurtful things she says every now and then, etc.) that I only made because I have pre-decided that we are NEVER going to get a divorce. And since I've decided that we will NEVER get a divorce, if I don't want the crappiest marriage of all time, I'd better work harder than sometimes I feel like working.

I fail too often. I look at her faults way too often. I compliment her not often enough. I think of my needs over hers much more often than I should.

But every time I find myself focusing more on her faults than my own I go to the Lord and earnestly ask Him to help me realign my view of my wife with His view of my wife. One doesn't have to be a Christian to have a strong marriage, but a Christian's access to the Author of love, joy, and peace is a GREAT help during tough times in a marriage.

Most of the time I am in love with my wife, sometimes I must choose to love my wife, and occasionally the only thing that gets me through is my eternal commitment to her.

I don't know your situation, rurak, but I am really touched that you asked for insight from this forum. Real men contend for their marriages, even through tough times. There are very few easy marriages out there and most people have a more difficult time than it appears to outsiders. My prayer for you right now is that you find the love, the joy, and the peace that you are seeking.

Feel free to PM me any time if you'd like to talk further.

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Old 09-09-2012, 11:43 PM   #12
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Women are simple creatures, just as men are. Find ways to make her feel important in your life. If your wife is unhappy, do things that make her happy. If it means staying off of the computer for a while, then do it. Your wife and child should come first. Make her tell you specifically what she is unhappy about. You should also tell her how you feel as well. I am very specific about what I want and don't want because I don't like guess work.

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Old 09-09-2012, 11:45 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rurak
Why is it so hard sometimes. We have been married 5 and together 10 and it seems like its getting harder. Any advice is greatly appreciated
What are you having troubles with would be the main question?
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Old 09-09-2012, 11:45 PM   #14
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It has never been hard for us. We only had 3 dates before I asked her, I just knew it was right. But the night I asked her we must have talked for 3 or 4 hours. Discussing what we both wanted, we both expected, and my only demand. My only demand was that I am to be the head of the family. We usually discuss and make our dicissions together, but if we don't agree my word is final. I told her before we ever walked down that isle that's the way it will be and we should save our selfs the heartbreaks and money now. She however agreed as it was that way in her home growing up. We have only had one real fight in these 33years ( verbal only). We have been mad much more but we don't fight, usually we don't even talk when we are mad her mostly. The next day it is history and life goes on. We also completely back each other in everything. The children learned very quickly that they could not play us against one another. If they came to me the first thing I would do is asked them what Mom said. If they had asked her then what she said never got changed by me and like wise with her. We have complete trust in each other, there has never been any jealousy or reason for it. We are complete soul mates we always know what the other is thinking or feeling.

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Old 09-09-2012, 11:48 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by towboater
Have more sex.
I like how you think. . But if wifey is upset, probably not in the cards for him.
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Old 09-10-2012, 12:26 AM   #16
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advice given to me by a guy on his 4th marriage... said it took three divorces to figure it out
yes dear, and then go do what ever the hell you wanted to do.

In all seriousness, communication is the key. Males and female both can't communicate. Guy's grunt, gal's talk about something else instead of what is REALLY bothering them. Trust me, if she's saying you're not paying attention, 10:1 it's something else... but it's up to you to figure it out or get her to communicate the REAL issue.

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Old 09-10-2012, 12:35 AM   #17
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So here is some backstory and thanks to everyone who is posting. We met when we were 19. Did the usual dating and got an apartment together. At the time my parents were going through a very nasty divorce that I was caught in the middle of because I lived with them. So fast forward a anew years and we Re planning our wedding. My parents don't get along so I asked each of them if they could get along for one day for us and take pictures with us. They couldn't tell me yes or no on getting along so we eloped in las Vegas. I didn't tell my parents how I felt about it when it happened. So fast forward a few more years and we have our daughter. My father didn't come to her first two birthdays because of my mother being there. They all came on her third birthday but I was very tense and I had a hard time enjoying it. I never said anything about that to them either. So now our daughter is 4. My father and his girlfriend are always asking to watch our daughter but they like to drink. My father drinks and drives and it's just not safe. I don't have ther heart or balls to tell him because I've been afraid of him my whole life. I also work with him everyday as we. Are both independent electrical contractors for the same company. So mywife feels like ive put my parents first and now I am putting my fathers feelings before my daughters safety. If I had known life was going to die this hard I would have take a different path. Please excuse the spelling, I'm typing this on an iPad.

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Old 09-10-2012, 12:36 AM   #18
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Honestly it feels easier to give up most of the time. Scene I come from divorced parents I don't want my daughter to go through it

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Old 09-10-2012, 12:38 AM   #19
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Your problems seem simple enough to fix. Have two parties for your daughter. One for each side (mom and dad) and you simply have to tell your Dad the truth. Your daughter's safety is key and you are an adult now, so no need to fear him. Worst case scenario he decides not to speak to you......that sucks but you have a happy wife and a safe child.

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Old 09-10-2012, 12:40 AM   #20
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I know it seems easy from the outside buts it's crippling to me. I absolutely refuse to have two parties though.

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