The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side....
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
(FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports or news, It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1.. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Captain Cook did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
What i have learned in 23 years of wedded ummm, well, lets call it bliss....yeah, let go with that. If she leaves the seat down, piss on it, she'll learn to put it up, look or get a wet ass.
I prefer the dog house. Its warm, the dog actually likes me, and he doesnt bitch when i burp, fart or scratch!
Been married three days longer than dirt has existed. Advice from Heinlein's Notebooks of Lazarus Long:
In a family argument, if it turns out you are right--apologize at once!
I married one older than me back in 09 and with much joy I found who equally does not give a $hit as little as i do .
Lucky for me I have the 103 db snoring to fall back on. That will usually get me kicked to the couch. (When my fiancee says she "brought protection" she means foam earplugs.)
Thumb's up. :D
How long have I been married? Eight years of bliss. But since then it has been a total of 20 years.
I sleep in the Class A RV or in my bed. They are both just as comfortable. Never on the couch.
This is in reference to rule #1.
Geez, you guyz.
This is in reference to rule #1. Itís a handy guide to help you all learn the proper names of all the colors:
DOGHOUSE | Color Wheel
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