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Old 01-30-2010, 04:24 PM   #1
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Default Mall ninja/Walmart commando thread

I thought I would post up a little tribute and poke some fun at the evolutionary variant of gun enthusiast commonly referred to as the Mall Ninja or Walmart Commando.
If you happen to be a Mall Ninja, please understand that this thread is all in good fun. Think of it as like a celebrity roast.
I invite all members of the forum to join me in sharing stories of encounters with this not so elusive creature, from funny stories about mall ninjas, stories about mall ninjas that p!ssed you off, or just talk about the mall ninja you saw the other day that was dressed so tacticool that you just had to laugh and give him a Gibbs/DiNozzo style slap to the head.

Being an assistant manager at a FFL dealer, I see these types every day.

I hope this thread, with your help, will become sort of an encyclopedia of the mall ninja that will help us NORMAL firearm enthusiasts to better understand your way of life in our world of things that go bang.
don't worry about trying to follow my lead exactly, as long as the topic is mall ninjas, your post is welcome in this thread.

I hope to perhaps try to narrow mall ninjas down into sub-categories if possible, as there are many different types.
We will study their habitat and their actions and try to understand what exactly makes one a mall ninja.

I have a few guidelines as to what it takes to be a MN/WMC.
I will start off in a Jeff Foxworthyesque manner.

You might be a Mall Ninja if:

1 You'll buy anything just because it has the word "Tactical" on it.
(example: Tactical boots, Tactical pants, Tactical butter knife, etc)

2 When being shown a new weapon at your local FFL, the first question you ask is "How big a magazine can i get for this?"

3 You regularly pose for photographs of yourself holding your tacticool weapons in quasi-military style poses.

4 You think you look cool at the gun store when you're handed an AR-15 and you proceed to hobble around the store looking strikingly similar to Angus Young of AC/DC doing his duck walk while aiming a rifle at invisible zombie terrorists, in an attempt to look like you know what you're doing.
(This actually happened)

5 If the only pants you own are BDU's

6 you think Glocks are the only handgun worth having.

7 You have seen every Rambo movie at least 100 times and you practice talking in a deep voice and slurring your words like Stallone.

8 You have Nicholas Cage's AK-47 speech from "Lord of War" memorized and you recite it every time you handle an AK or talk to someone about an AK.

9 Your AR has so many tacticool accessories on it that it's starting to weigh about as much as an EZGO golf cart.

10 You like to talk to your mall ninja buddies about the time you spent in Iraq, fighting zombie terrorists when in fact you were actually delivering pizzas in Atlanta.

These are, by far not the only things that will make you a mall ninja.

Alright forum members, Let's hear what you have to say about our tacticool brothers in arms.

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Old 01-30-2010, 06:17 PM   #2
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Default You might be a mall ninja if...

Your AR need more batteries than your wife's adult toys..

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Old 01-30-2010, 06:21 PM   #3
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You use phrases like, "move like a ninja" and mispell tactical...tacticle.
That and you lack tacticles.

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Old 01-30-2010, 07:54 PM   #4
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Lets not forget about buying every flea market ninja star and throwing knife that you can find... even though you have no idea how to use them.

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Old 01-30-2010, 08:31 PM   #5
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Lets not forget how every time you talk about your tacticool guns you emphasize how big the “clips” are and how many bullets the “clips” hold and how you have so many “clips” for each of your many guns..

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Old 01-30-2010, 09:23 PM   #6
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This guy.

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Old 01-30-2010, 09:31 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by General_lee View Post
You might be a Mall Ninja if:

1 You'll buy anything just because it has the word "Tactical" on it.
(example: Tactical boots, Tactical pants, Tactical butter knife, etc)
Or "billet".....
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Old 01-30-2010, 10:47 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Dzscubie View Post
Lets not forget how every time you talk about your tacticool guns you emphasize how big the “clips” are and how many bullets the “clips” hold and how you have so many “clips” for each of your many guns..
I see you prefer magazine like myself. My wife has hair "clips", my weapons require a "magazine."
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Old 01-31-2010, 01:39 AM   #9
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"A strong body makes the mind strong. As to the species of exercises, I advise the gun. While this gives moderate exercise to the body, it gives boldness, enterprise and independence to the mind. Games played with the ball, and others of that nature, are too violent for the body and stamp no character on the mind. Let your gun therefore be your constant companion of your walks."
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Old 01-31-2010, 01:56 AM   #10
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About a year ago I went into this gun shop on the east side of Las Vegas just because it's cool to look at guns that'll never be in CA. When I went inside, I laughed my a$$ off. They must employ only mall ninjas and have some sort of test to sort out people who actually know their a$$ from a hole in the ground.

One example was a guy wearing a raid vest filled to the hilt with AR mags (empty I might add), an ear wig, a cross draw holster stuffed with a Glock and two, count em' TWO thigh rigs, both complete with a Glock adorning his right and left leg. It took me a second to figure it out, but he had one of those black ops masks on his head like a beanie. I laughed so hard I almost pee'd myself. And this guy was one of many employees, looked like blackwater recruitment poster.

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"A strong body makes the mind strong. As to the species of exercises, I advise the gun. While this gives moderate exercise to the body, it gives boldness, enterprise and independence to the mind. Games played with the ball, and others of that nature, are too violent for the body and stamp no character on the mind. Let your gun therefore be your constant companion of your walks."
Thomas Jefferson
From the great speaker...er uh Barak Obongo

"Liberals make great proctologists. They're the only ones who truly know what the inside of an anus looks like."~me

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