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Lt. Linda and the closet doors
Lt. Linda and the closet doors
Everyone probably thinks by now that Sarge and Lt. Linda have a perfect marriage. Well it would be nice but that never happens in real life. Whenever two people and in this case two families try to live together there are bound to be conflicts. Some conflicts are serious and take much compromising on both parts and some are funny as heck. Like this one.
Scene # 1
"Linda, I have firm rules in this house."says Sarge
RULE # 1...If you make a mess, you clean it up.
RULE # 2...If you take it out you put it back.
RULE # 3...The floor is not a waste basket.
RULE # 4...If you turn it on you turn it off. (lights)
RULE # 5...If you open it up, you close it.
"And it is that rule # 5 that I want to talk to you about, Linda." punctuates Sarge
"Now I have been noting that you do not close your clothes closet doors." says Sarge
"Here after, every morning before you leave for work, I want you to check the bedroom and make sure you have turned off the lights, closed the closet doors and picked up your clothes, especially your shoes which should not be left in the middle of the floor." demands Sarge.
" Oh fiddle to you,......OK I will," Linda sighs wearily.
(You notice guys how Sarge takes charge and puts his foot down very early in his marriage. This is important for you younger guys to learn.)
"Wheww what a day at work." Sarge says to himself as he heads to the bedroom to get some comfortable fatigues on.
"WOOOPS, TRIP,.............THUD!!!" Sarge picks himself up off the floor after tripping over Lt. Linda's shoes laying in the middle of the floor. And the next thing he sees is the closet doors are open too.
"Women, can't teach them a thing." mumbles Sarge. "LINDA!" yells Sarge "mumble mumble" "Linda you left your shoes in the middle of the floor again and I tripped over them." accuses Sarge. "And you left the closet doors open again." he adds.
Sarge stands with his hands on his hips and looks accusingly at Lt. Linda. "You always leave your shoes in the middle of the floor! Why?"
:Well, Sarge, if you know I always leave them in the middle of the floor, then how come you keep tripping over them?" asks Linda using perfect woman logic.
"Huh?" says Sarge, looking confused. "But but uh uh" Gathering his wits up Sarge presses on. :What about your closet door, you promised to close it after you were done." asks Sarge.
"Well when is a woman ever done making up her mind about what she is going to wear, Tell me that Mr. Sarge." remarks Lt. Linda.
Boy that was a tough question to answer guys, so Sarge just snorts and turns around and slams the closet door.
"Some how I got to get that woman to shape up." thinks Sarge.
But all the cajoling and demanding has so far failed.
That is a bell ringing and it means Sarge has got a idea.
"If she doesn't close the doors she obviously doesn't need them." thinks Sarge. Checking for the whereabouts of Linda first, he quietly unscrews the closet doors and hides them behind the bedroom door. "Heh Heh" chuckles Sarge.
Scene # 2
Three weeks later.
"Sarge where are my closet doors?" inquires Lt. Linda.
"You never close them so what does it matter if you have doors on your closet or not." asks Sarge matter of factly.
"SARGE!" Linda says with her arms and hands folded in a Kung Fo stance. "I want my doors back!"
"All right All right, but you got to promise to close them every day" states Sarge.
(Guys see how Sarge got her to beg for those doors.)
Three days later Sarge is going thru the bedroom door, dodges the shoes in the middle of the floor and what does he see? You guessed guys, the closet door is wide open again.
"That is it!" Sarge says to himself, "No more Mr Niceguy" Off comes the closet doors again. "Where to put them where they will do the most good?" thinks Sarge. "AHA!" And he quickly slips the folded metal doors under the blankets on Linda's side of the bed.
Scene # 3
I don't know how most women go to bed, but Sarge's Linda is the kind that just falls onto the bed, not just sits on the edge. So here we are it is bed time. Sarge has just gone into the front room and awakened Lt. Linda.
"Linda! Linda! wake up, it is time to go to sleep!" (Sarge just loves that statement)
"Yes dear" Linda sleepily replies. (They are always polite like that when you train them right)
To the bedroom they go and Lt. Linda hits the bed.
CLANG !!!. "What the!" She yells, bouncing off the closet door and hitting the floor.
"You left the closet doors open again. " Sarge remarks matter of factly.
"You You!" Lt Linda yells as she chases Sarge around the bedroom.
"Calm down Linda" Sarge yells back over his shoulder.
"Linda, let's take all our clothes off and talk about this." Sarge yells on the second lap.
Finally from the huffing and puffing Sarge knows that his splendid physical condition has out-lasted Lt. Linda again and she chugs to a stop. And starts crying.
Well now, Sarge knows he cannot fight or outrun THAT, so he quietly puts the doors back on the closet.
Scene # 4
Sarge is shopping at his favorite Department store, Home Depot, and he sees something that catches his attention reflected in the Big Glass Closet Doors on display. While he is quietly observing the good looking blond lady shopping on the other side of the aisle, he also notes the mirror closet doors.
"DING DING!" It is the bells again. Sarge has got another idea.
That night he wakes up Lt. Linda to go to bed. "Linda wake up, it is time to go to sleep!" (he still loves that statement)
"Honey, while your were napping on the couch I fixed your closet doors for you." says Sarge.
Lt Linda gives him a out of the corner or her eye look and retorts,"Where did you hide them this time?"
"Come on and Look!" he chortles, "Heh heh Heh"
Dragging Lt Linda behind him he turns the light on with a flourish. "See" he points.
Linda's sour look turns into a pleasant surprised smile and she beams at her reflection in the big solid mirrored closet doors. She fluffs her hair, checks her lipstick and heads for the bed with a "tonights the night" look on her face.
(Now for the lesson men. It was obvious Sarge was fighting a losing battle. So it was back to the basics. What do women do more than gripe and nag? That is right, look at themself in mirrors.So if Lt. Linda wants to check her hem line and primp then what does she have to do? That's right---- Close the closet doors!
PS. The only regret Sarge has is that the mirror doors cost the price of a thousand rounds of good surplus ammo)