drop a giant bag of fireballs or boston baked beans on the flor. Said criminal will fall backwards and hit his head--suffering a brain injury.
This will leave you with the opportunity to rush forward with a coke and dump it n his eyes, thereby blinding him for life
if this plan fails, you can give a fair beating with a giant lolly pop--the multicolored ones work best.
Also, the stickyness of cotton candy can be used to blind assailent if you have the opportunity to get close enough to attach to his face.
There are always resources on hand
I also might advise that I have an aunt who makes a most deadly fruitcake