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Old 04-06-2013, 04:03 PM   #51
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I signed a letter of responsibility which allowed my little brother ( 56 years old ) to get out of prison 2 years early but I am responsible for his actions to an extent.

I allowed him to move into my trailer at the gravel pit that I use as an office ( 14 X 70 with a 12 X 28 add on ) 3 bed rooms. So I can still use the living room and kitchen as meeting rooms and the rest room.

He has a degree in Computer Aided Drafting and won many awards at Naval Avionics until the drugs took over his life. I have put restrictions and requirements on him but I have to keep pressing him to get a job, or at least look for one. With my pushing he is enrolled with Vocational Rehabilitation at WorkOne and I make him work in the gravel pit when he is not doing anything else. I make him do the jobs he does not like in an effort to encourage him to strike out on his own.

I also made it clear that the local SWAT teams train in my pit and drug dogs will be there several times every week. I told him this before his release and he stated I was trying to keep him locked back up. I stated no I was telling him before hand so that that there would be no surprises and he would not even try to sneak drugs again.

He feels I am not doing enough for him, he wants a better car ( I let him drive an old 1998 Cavalier ) wants Dish Network, wants hi speed internet, the list goes on.

I am about ready to call the parole officer and state “Things are not working out” as part of the condition of release states that is all I have to do and he will go back for the remainder of his term. I have told him this and he will “find Jesus” for a week or so then right back to the old ways.

Bottom line, friend, family or whoever they will all take advantage if allowed. My brother might make it 2 years and I really hope so but he might not as well and it will be because of his actions not mine!
I've never been in that situation and probably never will be, but it seems to me that it would be simple enough to tell him that when you agreed to take him on it came with a lot of responsibilities, none of which included providing him with all of the comforts he is requesting. He has the ability to earn his own money and pay for those comforts if he so chooses. If he wants a free ride with 3 hots and a cot, Dish Network, High-speed Internet, free sex (albeit not the kind I would be wanting), etc., etc., he can go back to prison and have all of that provided! If that is not what he wants, he can get a job and earn them like any other decent human being in the free world does.
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Old 04-06-2013, 04:09 PM   #52
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GWK, i have to agree with Vikingdad. i think you have gone out of your way to help your brother out and he should be grateful. he's the one that made the mistakes an you helping him to amend his mistakes. none of which i feel you are obligated to do, but should be commended for doing.

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Old 04-06-2013, 04:13 PM   #53
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Have the same/ opposite situation. Since my divorce I have let a friend stay with me. His divorce was way worse than mine. He came home from Iraq still temporarily deaf and with his shoulder torn up from a roadside bomb that blew up the truck he was driving, to find his wifes boyfriend living in his house. In the mess that followed the wife managed to get a bruise and had him arrested for domestic violence. He later found out the she had been screwing a couple of cops in advance of this to make it stick easier.

This guy is working two jobs, he does not do drugs, he is subject to random testing where he works so I know he is clean. Every time he gets a little money ahead to help with the bills around here one of his daughters calls and needs money for something or other.

The other problem is he is too helpful around the house, when he does dishes he does not get them clean and I have to redo them, if he puts the dry dishes away I can't find them when I need them. I know the last of these is petty but it drives me nuts when I can't find the tool, or pan, or whatever when I need it.

I don't want to throw him out, It really is not costing me anything for him to be here. The bills would be the same either way. But I am going nuts dealing with him.
I understand how you feel. I like things in my home the way I like them and where I want them. But I think you're situation is different. This guy is trying to be a good 'family' member in your home. He had a terrible time in Iraq and came home to a terrible betrayal. Just when he needed love and acceptance most, his wife was not there for him.

In your case, I would try really hard to get along with this guy. He so badly needs to feel he belongs somewhere and he's really done nothing wrong to deserve to be kicked to the curb. Maybe tell him there's a time limit to staying at your place. But I feel he deserves some acceptance for now.
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Old 04-06-2013, 06:39 PM   #54
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I understand how you feel. I like things in my home the way I like them and where I want them. But I think you're situation is different. This guy is trying to be a good 'family' member in your home. He had a terrible time in Iraq and came home to a terrible betrayal. Just when he needed love and acceptance most, his wife was not there for him.

In your case, I would try really hard to get along with this guy. He so badly needs to feel he belongs somewhere and he's really done nothing wrong to deserve to be kicked to the curb. Maybe tell him there's a time limit to staying at your place. But I feel he deserves some acceptance for now.
You are right, and I am not going to throw him out untill I get thrown out by the bank. I have already told him that. He had my back pretty good last fall when my shoulder was screwed up and I was having trouble with my brother, who is just like gwk4667s brother, only sometimes violent. I was just venting some at a place where it will not get back to him. Thanks for letting me rant a little bit.
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Old 04-06-2013, 07:22 PM   #55
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You are right, and I am not going to throw him out untill I get thrown out by the bank. I have already told him that. He had my back pretty good last fall when my shoulder was screwed up and I was having trouble with my brother, who is just like gwk4667s brother, only sometimes violent. I was just venting some at a place where it will not get back to him. Thanks for letting me rant a little bit.
i think we understand. even a really good roommate can get on your nerves at times.
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Old 04-06-2013, 07:28 PM   #56
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i think we understand. even a really good roommate can get on your nerves at times.
Heck, even spouses can get on your nerves at times.
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Old 04-06-2013, 07:44 PM   #57
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Heck, even spouses can get on your nerves at times.
Amen to that!

anyone you spend a huge amount of time with, whether it's living with them or working with them, at some point even if you like them or love them will at times get on your nerves.
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Old 04-06-2013, 07:51 PM   #58
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Cats are good for learning to tolerate annoying roommates. They don't pay rent or for food. They expect you to do all of the housework. They crap in a box in the corner and expect YOU to empty it. They leave hair on your clothes, furniture, and food. Let's not even get into the Nip issue here.

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Old 04-06-2013, 08:24 PM   #59
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Cats are good for learning to tolerate annoying roommates. They don't pay rent or for food. They expect you to do all of the housework. They crap in a box in the corner and expect YOU to empty it. They leave hair on your clothes, furniture, and food. Let's not even get into the Nip issue here.
And my kitten always steals the straws out of my drinks and hides them under the rug in the kitchen. I don't think he knows how important my straws are to me in my drinks. I pick up the rug to throw it in the washer and there are 4-5 straws under there. Straws in the corners under the cabinets in the kitchen, straws under the computer desk. Straws under the sofa.
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Old 04-06-2013, 08:38 PM   #60
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And my kitten always steals the straws out of my drinks and hides them under the rug in the kitchen. I don't think he knows how important my straws are to me in my drinks. I pick up the rug to throw it in the washer and there are 4-5 straws under there. Straws in the corners under the cabinets in the kitchen, straws under the computer desk. Straws under the sofa.
Are these full length straws or does kitty perhaps have a lil problem with the Nip?


One of my cats once hid a cashed paycheck a roommate of mine left on the coffee table. He finally saw her running down the hall with a $5 and followed her to the stash. More recently, I think one of them has snagged my mag loader for the .45.

Good roommate training.
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