You are Unregistered, please register to use all of the features of!    
Firearm & Gun Forum - > General Discussion Forums > The Club House >

Joke thread

LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-09-2010, 12:52 PM   #11
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
zhuk's Avatar
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Sydney, Aust
Posts: 2,031
Liked 6 Times on 5 Posts



Three men - a farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Marine are all walking together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.

The American says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America. '

POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in the United States was forever fertile for farming.

Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan, Palestine, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels can come into our precious land.'

POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The Marine says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.'

The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out;
it's completely impenetrable.'

The Marine sits down, cracks a beer, lights a cigar, smiles and says,

'Fill it with water.'
Illigitimi Non Carborundum - Don't let the bastards grind you down

Originally Posted by skullcrusher View Post
Yes, at WalMart, you can pick up a gun, ammo, ski mask and your antidepressants all in one trip. Darn convenient if you ask me...:D
zhuk is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2010, 01:09 PM   #12
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
spittinfire's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Maiden,NC
Posts: 9,663
Liked 88 Times on 58 Posts
Likes Given: 5


A United States Marine was attending some college courses between
assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of
the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of
the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to
the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you
to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes."
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes
went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his
chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him;
knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine
went back to his seat and sat there, silently.
The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on
in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the
and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you
do that?"

The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting
America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid crap,
so, He sent me."
If the pain is lacking so is the discipline...

"the only 911 call I need is chambering a round" - Mr. Muller, MO car dealer
spittinfire is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2010, 01:18 PM   #13
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
AusLach's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Coffs Harbour,New South Wales
Posts: 1,567
Liked 41 Times on 17 Posts
Likes Given: 15


What's the definition of suspicion?

When your hotdog has veins.
AusLach is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2010, 02:55 PM   #14
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 4,899
Liked 2061 Times on 829 Posts
Likes Given: 2706


There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.

The doctor asked, "What was the problem?"

The man said, "Well, I tried with my right hand: nothing. So, I tried with my left hand: nothing. My wife tried with her right hand: nothing. Her left hand: nothing. Her mouth: nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth. . .still nothing."

"Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?!"

"Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup."
opaww is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2010, 03:26 PM   #15
Is it Friday yet?
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Troy Michalik's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Bastrop,Texas
Posts: 2,475
Liked 3 Times on 3 Posts


Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?

Fo drizzle!
- Make everything count -

Troy Michalik is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2010, 04:40 PM   #16
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Jpyle's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Sewell,NJ
Posts: 4,844
Liked 784 Times on 453 Posts
Likes Given: 499


Originally Posted by Gojubrian View Post
What do you call a man with no arms,no legs water skiing?


What do you call a man with no arms,no legs lying in a pile of leaves?


What do you call a woman with just one leg?


A chinese woman with one leg?


A women with a wooden leg?


A guy that falls in a vat of acid?

"The whole of the Bill (of Rights) is a declaration of the right of the people at large or considered as individuals.... It establishes some rights of the individual as unalienable and which consequently, no majority has a right to deprive them of." (Albert Gallatin of the New York Historical Society, October 7, 1789)

"A free people ought not only to be armed and disciplined, but they should have sufficient arms and ammunition to maintain a status of independence from any who might attempt to abuse them, which would include their own government." - George Washington
Jpyle is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2010, 05:27 PM   #17
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 4,899
Liked 2061 Times on 829 Posts
Likes Given: 2706


The Moral of The Story

A teacher was trying to get her class to understand the concept of stories with life lessons in them. She sent the kids home and asked them to come back at the end of the week with a story that had a moral.

On Friday, she asked them to tell their stories.

First, little Sally stood up. She said, "My family owns a farm. On our farm we raise chickens. This week we had 24 eggs that were supposed to hatch and grow to be chickens that we could sell. But, only 12 of them hatched and we won't be able to make as much money."

The teacher asked, "What's the moral of the story?"

Sally said, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."

The Teacher commended her and asked Bobby to tell his story.

Bobby said, "Our family also raises chickens. But, we sell the eggs at market. This week our chickens laid 48 eggs for us and we were going to sell them. We loaded them all up, but the driver took a turn too fast and spilled all of them on the road and they broke. Now, we won't have any to sell."

The teacher asked, "What's the moral of the story?"

Bobby said, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

The teacher commended him and began looking for another student with a story. Johnny was practically dancing in his seat with his arm raised high. The teacher said, 'Go ahead Johnny. Tell us your story."

Johnny said, "My uncle is in the 101st Airborne Division in the Middle East. One day, he parachuted into Iraq with his M-16, a Machete, and a bottle of Jack Daniel's. He drank the whole bottle on the way to the jump zone, but got seperated from his company after jumping. When he landed, he found himself surrounded by 70 Iraqi soldiers. He shot 30 of them before he ran out of ammo. Then, he killed another 30 with the Machete before the handle broke. he killed the last 10 with his bare hands just before his unit found him."

The teacher asked, "What's the moral of the story?"

Johnny said, "The moral of the story is; Don't **** with my Uncle when he's been drinkin'."
opaww is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2010, 06:24 PM   #18
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
skullcrusher's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Ohio,Ohio
Posts: 10,949
Liked 21 Times on 15 Posts


An over-the-road truck driver stops into a brothel. He asks the madam for the fattest and ugliest woman on the payroll.

"We have only beautiful women here, sir." Repled the Madam.

"You did not hear me. I want the fattest, ugliest woman here." Demanded the truck driver.

"I'm sure you will enjoy one of our beautiful women more." Encouraged the Madam.

The truck driver came clean. "Look, lady. I'm not horny, I'm homesick."
From C3Shooter:
Skullcrusher, you are evil, sick, demented, twisted- and my hero!

Originally Posted by pandamonium View Post
...without the Second, we cannot protect the rest!
skullcrusher is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2010, 06:56 PM   #19
Lifetime Supporting Member
Feedback Score: 1 reviews
robocop10mm's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Austin,Texas, by God!!
Posts: 11,395
Liked 4138 Times on 2111 Posts
Likes Given: 523


I'm so happy I resurrected the thread.
In life, strive to take the high road....It offers a better field of fire.
"Robo is right" Fuzzball
robocop10mm is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2010, 10:46 PM   #20
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
TheDaggle's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Solvang
Posts: 983
Liked 44 Times on 26 Posts
Likes Given: 20


Very Clean: A guy walks into a hardware store and says to the clerk behind the counter "I need a two by four"
The clerk says "How long do you want it?"
The guy says "Well, I'd like to keep it."

What do you call a cow with short left legs? Lean beef.

Less Clean: How do you circumsize a West Virginian?
Kick his sister in the chin.

Why is it so hard to solve a murder in West Virginia?
There are no dental records, and all the DNA is the same.
"Always carry a small flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite. Furthermore, always carry a small snake." W.C. Fields
TheDaggle is offline  
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Firearms Forum Replies Last Post
A real Joke.. jakethe_snake The Club House 3 05-18-2007 04:48 PM
A joke (well not really) SonarMB The Club House 4 05-16-2007 07:51 PM