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Old 08-01-2012, 12:27 AM   #871
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Two blonds were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.

"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blond #1.

"Do what?", asked Blond #2.

"Send my lawn out to be mowed."

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Old 08-01-2012, 03:03 AM   #872
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A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer -- brands from 12 different countries including Germany, Holland, Japan, Czech Republic, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know... they have frozen glasses."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that chunks of ice were forming out of the air on it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres. I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out several kinds of hot, home-made hors d'oeuvres.

"But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that...."
"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? Fine! Sit your ass down, shut the hell up, drink your beer in your frozen mug, and eat your hors d' oeuvres because your married ass isn't going to a damned bar! Got it, jackass?"

And they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?

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Old 08-01-2012, 03:12 AM   #873
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Quote:
Originally Posted by c3shooter
A couple had only been married for two weeks.

And they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?
Oh, i got a beaut of a story for you..
Hope it doesn't get me reported though!
image-2829523779.jpg  
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Old 08-01-2012, 04:03 AM   #874
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Secondhand_Hero

Oh, i got a beaut of a story for you..
Hope it doesn't get me reported though!
Roflmao!!!!!!!
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Old 08-01-2012, 04:22 AM   #875
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I saved that photo. Going to print it on high quality paper, frame it and hang it in the kitchen tomorrow!!!!

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Old 08-01-2012, 04:29 AM   #876
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kytowboater
Roflmao!!!!!!!
Hope the guys upstairs find humor in it!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mosin
I saved that photo. Going to print it on high quality paper, frame it and hang it in the kitchen tomorrow!!!!
i'm glad another man recognizes fine story telling when he sees it!
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Old 08-01-2012, 04:53 AM   #877
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What is the difference between Romney supporters and Obama supporters?
Romney supporters sign their checks on the front, Obama supporters sign their checks on the back!

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Old 08-01-2012, 05:19 AM   #878
Ain't she sweet?
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Quote:
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Oh, i got a beaut of a story for you..
Hope it doesn't get me reported though!
They have a Princess didn't marry the Prince version of this. I'm at work and can't search for it. I have posted it in the past. Can someone find it and post it. It's similar but she never has to pick up dirty underwear off the floor, etc.
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Old 08-01-2012, 01:42 PM   #879
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winds-of-change

They have a Princess didn't marry the Prince version of this. I'm at work and can't search for it. I have posted it in the past. Can someone find it and post it. It's similar but she never has to pick up dirty underwear off the floor, etc.
Ah, if you could find it i'd love to see it!
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Old 08-01-2012, 04:09 PM   #880
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winds-of-change View Post
They have a Princess didn't marry the Prince version of this. I'm at work and can't search for it. I have posted it in the past. Can someone find it and post it. It's similar but she never has to pick up dirty underwear off the floor, etc.
I had sort of a similar experience. Many years ago when I was young (really, I was young once), I was at a party, and there was this really great looking young lady there, that I ended up having a short conversation with. She was "president" of her sorority in college. My hormones got in an uproar, and I was trying to get up the nerve to ask her to go out with me. As I was starting to walk up to her, she was talking to a friend. She gestured in my direction and said to the friend, "He may be a Marine officer, but I wouldn't go out with him". So I licked my wounds and figured, "well she is outta my social class, anyway". So I just thought about that the other day, and googled her name to see what I could find. Well, she still has her maiden name, never married, still lives in "Home Town USA" where she was born, and retired from her job as a librarian. So, I figure that she must never have found a man who was up to her lofty standards.
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