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Old 06-19-2012, 08:41 PM   #821
RIP my good and faithful dog.
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A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman in the corner and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!" Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $100 an ounce!" About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns and squeezes out a fart...... "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound!"

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Old 06-19-2012, 08:42 PM   #822
RIP my good and faithful dog.
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What's the difference between broccoli and snot?

Kids don"t eat broccoli.

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Old 06-19-2012, 08:44 PM   #823
RIP my good and faithful dog.
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.................

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Old 06-19-2012, 08:45 PM   #824
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winds-of-change
.................
Haha that's great.
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Revelation 19:11

And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.

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Old 06-19-2012, 08:54 PM   #825
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Lol dang that's crazy
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Old 07-08-2012, 02:37 AM   #826
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A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky . Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force.
By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away
as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.
"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. "Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States ?"
"Yep."
"Were there any survivors?"
"Nope. They's all kilt straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning."
"President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked.
"Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
"He kept a-saying he wasn't... But you know how bad that sumbitch lies...

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Old 07-08-2012, 03:33 AM   #827
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"So, a man walks into a bar with a monkey. I forgot the rest of the joke but your mom is a whore."
-Sean Connery

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Old 07-08-2012, 04:02 AM   #828
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daoust_Nat
A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky . Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force.
By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away
as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.
"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. "Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States ?"
"Yep."
"Were there any survivors?"
"Nope. They's all kilt straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning."
"President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked.
"Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
"He kept a-saying he wasn't... But you know how bad that sumbitch lies...
-_- he killed the president of the united states? Geeze don't mess with hank.
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Old 07-08-2012, 12:50 PM   #829
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Original Chinese Proverb - Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime!

2012 Update - Give a man a welfare check, a free cell phone with unlimited free minutes, cash for his clunker, food stamps, section 8 housing, free contraceptives, Medicaid, a hundred weeks of unemployment, a forty ounce malt liquor, free drugs and Air Jordan shoes, and he will vote Democrat for life!

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Old 07-08-2012, 12:52 PM   #830
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A woman went to her doctor for advice.

She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

"Do you enjoy it?" the doctor asked. "Actually, yes, I do" she said.

''Does it hurt you", he asked? "No. I rather like it!"

''Well, then," the doctor continued, "there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant."

The woman was mystified. "What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?"

"Of course", the doctor replied. "Where do you think Democrats come from?"

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