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Old 05-04-2012, 05:47 AM   #691
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Originally Posted by c3shooter View Post
Sadly, not a joke- true story related by a friend. He was the commander of the honor guard for the funeral of an old vet back in the hills of KY. Honor Guard handles flag on coffin, and fires 3 volleys over the grave.

Cemetery in the middle of nowhere was on a STEEP hillside. Firing detail trying not to fall off sopping wet grass on hillside, crowded in a bit TOO close to grave. Muzzle flash from first volley set the canvas awning over the grave on fire.

Young preacher got excited, ran up to canopy, foot hit wet patch, lost footing, slid UNDER the coffin, into the open grave. Daughter grabbed flower arrangement, beat out the flames.

Family all agreed the deceased would have approved- he loved a good joke.
I hope they pulled the preacher out before lowering the casket!
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Old 05-04-2012, 07:06 AM   #692
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Quote:
Originally Posted by c3shooter View Post
Sadly, not a joke- true story related by a friend. He was the commander of the honor guard for the funeral of an old vet back in the hills of KY. Honor Guard handles flag on coffin, and fires 3 volleys over the grave.

Cemetery in the middle of nowhere was on a STEEP hillside. Firing detail trying not to fall off sopping wet grass on hillside, crowded in a bit TOO close to grave. Muzzle flash from first volley set the canvas awning over the grave on fire.

Young preacher got excited, ran up to canopy, foot hit wet patch, lost footing, slid UNDER the coffin, into the open grave. Daughter grabbed flower arrangement, beat out the flames.

Family all agreed the deceased would have approved- he loved a good joke.
Oh..........mygod. I wish I would have been there. Very funny.
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Old 05-04-2012, 01:12 PM   #693
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The year was 1947.

Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947,

a little more than 64 years ago, numerous witnesses claim that

an Unidentified Flying Object, (UFO), with five aliens aboard,

crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico .

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered-up

by the U.S. Air Force, as well as other Federal Agencies and Organizations.

However, What you may NOT know is that in the month of April, year 1948,

nine months after the historic day, the following people were born:

Barrack Obama Sr.

Albert A. Gore, Jr.

Hillary Rodham

William J. Clinton

John F. Kerry

Howard Dean

Nancy Pelosi

Dianne Feinstein

Charles E. Schumer

Barbara Boxer

Joe Biden

This is the consequence of aliens breeding with sheep and jack-asses.

I truly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you.

It certainly did for me.

And now you can stop wondering why they support the bill to help all Illegal
Aliens

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Old 05-08-2012, 06:58 AM   #694
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silverado113
The year was 1947.

Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947,

a little more than 64 years ago, numerous witnesses claim that

an Unidentified Flying Object, (UFO), with five aliens aboard,

crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico .

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered-up

by the U.S. Air Force, as well as other Federal Agencies and Organizations.

However, What you may NOT know is that in the month of April, year 1948,

nine months after the historic day, the following people were born:

Barrack Obama Sr.

Albert A. Gore, Jr.

Hillary Rodham

William J. Clinton

John F. Kerry

Howard Dean

Nancy Pelosi

Dianne Feinstein

Charles E. Schumer

Barbara Boxer

Joe Biden

This is the consequence of aliens breeding with sheep and jack-asses.

I truly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you.

It certainly did for me.

And now you can stop wondering why they support the bill to help all Illegal
Aliens
If this was only true, I would finally understand..

Funny as a joke though. Would have been a heck of a party if they all turned 50 in the same month!
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Old 05-09-2012, 05:06 PM   #695
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it got crowded in heavan so for one day it was decided that only people who had really had a bad day on the day they died would get into heavan . St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."
The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."
St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.
He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"
St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.
"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.
"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

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Old 05-12-2012, 11:06 PM   #696
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For sale whole set of encyclopedias do not need.


Got married and wife knows everything.

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Old 05-12-2012, 11:22 PM   #697
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kycol
For sale whole set of encyclopedias do not need.

Got married and wife knows everything.
This is not only funny, but the dang truth.
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Old 05-13-2012, 04:40 PM   #698
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THE BLONDE WHO MARRIED A CATHOLIC


On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with
great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband
had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, 'It's Lent.'

In tears, she sobbed, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I' ve ever
heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?'

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Old 05-13-2012, 09:40 PM   #699
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It just hit me! My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year, if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him. He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not is not required to do any upkeep. If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free. He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of his costs are picked up by others who earn a living. I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick

................................My dog is a Congressman.

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Old 05-13-2012, 09:41 PM   #700
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Rotflmfao!

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