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Old 04-25-2012, 01:40 AM   #671
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A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and all on board perish. Now all are in line at the pearly gates waiting to get into heaven. St Peter asks the first girl, "Tammy, have you ever had any contact with a naughty male organ?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well i once touched one with the tip of my finger." St Peter says, "Ok dip the tip of your finger into the holy water and pass through the pearly gates."

He asks the next girl the same question. She says, "Well i once stroked and fondled one." So he tells her to dip her whole hand in the holy water and pass through the pearly gates.

All of the sudden there is a bunch of commotion from the back of the line. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. She gets to front and St Peter asked, "Lacy, what seems to be the rush?"

She says, "If Im gonna have to gargle that holy water i wanna do it before Kim sticks her ass in it!"

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Old 04-25-2012, 01:54 AM   #672
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dragunovsks
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and all on board perish. Now all are in line at the pearly gates waiting to get into heaven. St Peter asks the first girl, "Tammy, have you ever had any contact with a naughty male organ?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well i once touched one with the tip of my finger." St Peter says, "Ok dip the tip of your finger into the holy water and pass through the pearly gates."

He asks the next girl the same question. She says, "Well i once stroked and fondled one." So he tells her to dip her whole hand in the holy water and pass through the pearly gates.

All of the sudden there is a bunch of commotion from the back of the line. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. She gets to front and St Peter asked, "Lacy, what seems to be the rush?"

She says, "If Im gonna have to gargle that holy water i wanna do it before Kim sticks her ass in it!"
Baaahhhaaaaaa! Effin funny....
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Old 04-25-2012, 03:45 AM   #673
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A husband and wife were in front of the judge during their divorce. The wife was filing for sole custody of their son. The judge looked at her and asked, "Mary, why should you have full custody of your son?"
Mary looked at the judge and said, "Your honor, I carried this child in my body for nine months. I went through the pain and discomfort of giving birth to him. I feel it's only right I get full custody."
The Judge nodded and looked at the husband. "And Fred, why should you have custody of your son? Can you rebut her words?"
Fred paused for a moment as he thought, then nodded. "Your honor, if I put a dollar in a coke machine and a coke comes out of it, who's coke is it, mine or the coke machines?"

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Old 04-25-2012, 03:59 AM   #674
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Quote:
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Michelle Obama is hawt!

Its a joke dudes.
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Old 04-25-2012, 05:45 AM   #675
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dragunovsks
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and all on board perish. Now all are in line at the pearly gates waiting to get into heaven. St Peter asks the first girl, "Tammy, have you ever had any contact with a naughty male organ?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well i once touched one with the tip of my finger." St Peter says, "Ok dip the tip of your finger into the holy water and pass through the pearly gates."

He asks the next girl the same question. She says, "Well i once stroked and fondled one." So he tells her to dip her whole hand in the holy water and pass through the pearly gates.

All of the sudden there is a bunch of commotion from the back of the line. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. She gets to front and St Peter asked, "Lacy, what seems to be the rush?"

She says, "If Im gonna have to gargle that holy water i wanna do it before Kim sticks her ass in it!"
Omg lol to funny
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Old 04-25-2012, 06:54 AM   #676
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Why do gangstas hold there gun sideways??
Because thats how it came in the box!!

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Old 04-25-2012, 06:58 AM   #677
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Quote:
Originally Posted by woody63m
Why do gangstas hold there gun sideways??
Because thats how it came in the box!!
......you mean your supposed to hold it a different way?
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Old 04-26-2012, 02:01 PM   #678
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Socially Unacceptable Humor


I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling
my leg."

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume
she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend yet.

Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going
fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should
change dentists?

A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking
behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she
would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not
listening".

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes
back.

At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost
by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair?
Apparently the correct answer was Africa !!!

One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly
found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer
either.

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but
I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber
jackets.

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive
slowly past schools.

A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend
and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her
brother's got a mustache."

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Old 04-26-2012, 03:49 PM   #679
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A new spread.

spread.jpg  
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Old 04-29-2012, 05:41 PM   #680
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One sunny day in January, 2013, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where he'd been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer President and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.The following day the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer President and no longer resides here."

The man thanked him and again just walked away.The third day the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama.

I've told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir

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