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Old 04-16-2012, 02:39 PM   #641
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SAAB '' the car ''

S - stupid
A - ass
A - actually
B - bought it

Fonza-noon : '' noun '' A person who farts in the bathtub and bites at the bubbles

Buffa-rilla : A large unattractive portly female who looks like part buffalo / part gorilla

FUPA : The gut that hangs over and past the female waist line
Fat - Upper - P..... -Area ....... kinda vulgar but funny

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Old 04-19-2012, 11:01 PM   #642
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An update on Cinderella
Cinderella is now 90 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One afternoon out of nowhere appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, "Fairy godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?" "Cinderella," she replied, "You have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed and, after some thoughtful consideration, She uttered her first wish...

"The prince was wonderful but he was not a very good investor. I am living hand-to-mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I was quite wealthy."

And, almost instantly, her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said, "Oh, thank you, fairy godmother!"

"Well, it's the least I can do. What is your second wish?"

Cinderella looked at her frail body and said, "I wish that I was young again with the beauty and youth I once had."

Her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful appearance returned.
Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

Then the fairy godmother said, "You have one more wish... What is it?"

Cinderella looked over at the frightened cat in the corner and said...

"I would like to have Bob, my old cat, transformed into a kind and handsome young man."
Almost magically, the cat underwent a fundamental a change in his Biological make-up and, when he stood before her, he was a man so Handsome, the likes of him that she had never seen.

The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella! Enjoy your new life."

And then, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, The fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Cinderella and Bob gazed into each other's eyes.

Cinderella sat breathless, gazing at the most handsome and stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and he held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing into her golden hair with his warm breath, as he quietly whispered...

"Bet you're sorry you had me neutered!"

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Old 04-19-2012, 11:10 PM   #643
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Damn you bob barker! Lmfao

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Old 04-20-2012, 02:28 AM   #644
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made my ears pop and along with a poot I was laughing so hard , just wrong but funny in a twister way

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Old 04-22-2012, 01:59 PM   #645
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What do you give the woman who has everything ???...Antibiotics........

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Old 04-22-2012, 03:31 PM   #646
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Once upon a time there were 3 sailors who's ship sank and they had to swim to shore. They crawled up on the beach of a tropical Island that was inhabited ny a tribe of "gay" Pigmies. A group of the pigmies captured the 3 sailors and took them to their leader. The leader addressed the first sailor, and said, "You have invaded our land. The penalty for invading our land is death. However, we will give you a choice: Death or Bunga-Bunga." The sailor didn't know what Bunga-Bunga was, but he didn't want to die, so he chose Bunga-Bunga. So the pigmies bent him over a rail, lined up and all took turns having "their way" with him. Then the leader addressed the second sailor: "You have invaded our land. The penalty for invading our land is death. However, we will give you a choice: Death or Bunga-Bunga." the second sailor didn't want to die, so he reluctantly chose Bunga-Bunga, with the expected result. Then the leader addressed the third sailor: :You have invaded our land. The penalty for invading our land is death. However, we will give you a choice: Death or Bunga-Bunga." The third sailor didn't want to die, but the thought of Bunga-Bunga totally repulsed him, and decided he'd rather be dead than to go through that, so he chose death. Then the pigmies got all upset, because nobody had ever chosen death before. They had a pow-wow, mumbling and shaking their heads. Then, all at once they began jumping up and down and cheering. The leader came back to the third sailor, and said: "You have chosen death, so we will give you death. Death by Bunga-Bunga!"

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Old 04-22-2012, 09:58 PM   #647
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Cathy, Sue and Jane haven't seen each other since High School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.
Cathy arrives first, wearing a beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.
Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the required ritualized kisses she joins Cathy in a glass of wine.
Then Jane walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. She too shares the wine.
Cathy explains that after leaving high school and graduating from Princeton in Classics, she met and married Bill, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Bill is a partner in one of New York 's leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq. ft. co-op on Fifth Avenue , where Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Phoenix .
Sue relates that she graduated from Harvard Med School and became a surgeon. Her husband, Clint, is a leading Wall Street investment banker. They live in Southampton on Long Island and have a second home in Naples , Florida .
Jane explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Ted. They run a tropical bird park in Memphis and grow their own vegetables. Ted can stand five parrots, side by side, on his penis.
Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Cathy blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Wal-Mart. They live in a small apartment in Brooklyn and have a travel trailer parked at a nearby storage facility.
Sue, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains that she and Clint are both nurses' aides in a retirement home. They live in Jersey City and take vacation camping trips to Alabama .
Jane admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.

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Old 04-22-2012, 10:33 PM   #648
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winds-of-change

So, I got to thinking that if none of these 5 were the father of her child, then there must have been more guys.
Wow, you should be a detective.
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Old 04-23-2012, 12:51 AM   #649
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MobileMarine
I have been thinking about starting a thread about gay / lesbian and military and another concerning the race card but I fear the epic manure storm that would soon ensue . Sooner or later a fight would break out and people would get sand in their no no spots . So I have avoided it ...... for now
Please, please, please.. Continue to avoid it
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Old 04-23-2012, 01:00 AM   #650
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Quote:
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Wow, you should be a detective.
I am a detective. Not much gets past me.
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