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Old 03-01-2012, 02:42 AM   #581
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Not often I literary laugh out loud Viking,, but those got me. Good ones...

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Old 03-01-2012, 03:21 AM   #582
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I don't take credit, those are from a friend, probably from a joke website. Funny though!

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Old 03-01-2012, 05:05 AM   #583
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MobileMarine View Post
On Obamas inauguration day almost 2 million people showed up for the ceremony
But some how no one missed work
Quote:
Originally Posted by jca1 View Post
Isn't It Ironic?

The food stamp program, part of the Department of Agriculture, is
pleased to be distributing the greatest amount of food stamps ever.

Meanwhile, the National Park Service, also part of the Department of
Agriculture, asks us to "please do not feed the animals" because the
animals may grow dependent and not learn to take care of themselves.
I like these!! Thanks.
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Old 03-01-2012, 12:17 PM   #584
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Here is one: Vagina

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Old 03-02-2012, 03:08 PM   #585
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KEEP THIS ONE IN MIND WHEN YOU GO TO VOTE.


While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator..

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven.."

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell..

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil smiles at him and says,




"Yesterday we were campaigning ... Today, you voted.."

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Old 03-02-2012, 03:35 PM   #586
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^nice. (mobilemarine's politician joke)

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Old 03-08-2012, 11:44 PM   #587
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My boss phoned me today. He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"

I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."

"Can you do me a favor?" he asked.

I said, "Of course, what is it?"

Speed it up a little, I'm in the foursome behind you."

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Old 03-08-2012, 11:45 PM   #588
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After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin .

In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.

Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him.

'How 'bout that!' he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of me Fadder.'

He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishin', he would go there and look at it.

His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the shed.

So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror.

As she looked into the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with.'

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Old 03-09-2012, 11:54 PM   #589
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Funny, but sadly true.

downloadfile-67.jpeg

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Old 03-10-2012, 05:17 AM   #590
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Deleted....

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Last edited by Ledbetter84; 03-10-2012 at 03:11 PM. Reason: Aparently making a joke isnt welcome
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