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02-17-2012, 04:44 PM
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#551
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Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Santa Cruz Mountains,CA
Posts: 7,825
Liked 2830 Times on 1725 Posts
Likes Given: 2981
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This one may have already been posted.
The Gay Cowboy...
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand..
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked him in the eye and said,
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
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02-17-2012, 11:47 PM
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#552
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Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 535
Liked 42 Times on 32 Posts
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When chuck norris's daughter lost her virginity he went and got it back
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02-19-2012, 05:10 PM
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#553
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Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Orlando,Florida
Posts: 1,464
Liked 554 Times on 297 Posts
Likes Given: 53
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An Irish priest was transferred to Texas ..
Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a Fine spring
day in his new Texas mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the
beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station......
''Good morning This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?''
''And the best of the day to yerself.. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead on me front lawn "
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk,
''Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!''
There was dead silence on the line for a moment....................................
Then Father O'Malley replied:
"Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.''
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02-19-2012, 05:23 PM
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#554
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Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: fordland,missouri
Posts: 11,099
Liked 857 Times on 647 Posts
Likes Given: 1
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Daoust_Nat
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas ..
Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a Fine spring
day in his new Texas mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the
beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station......
''Good morning This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?''
''And the best of the day to yerself.. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead on me front lawn "
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk,
''Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!''
There was dead silence on the line for a moment....................................
Then Father O'Malley replied:
"Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.''
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I was needin a good laugh Nat
God didnt make all men equal colonel Sam Colt did
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02-19-2012, 06:45 PM
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#555
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Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Lake Havasu,Arizona
Posts: 4,377
Liked 668 Times on 385 Posts
Likes Given: 279
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__________________
"I would not be an old man if I had not been an armed young man." JTJ
Patron Member NRA
"As democracy is perfected, the office of President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be occupied by a downright fool and complete narcissistic moron."
--- H.L. Mencken, The Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920
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02-19-2012, 07:07 PM
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#556
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Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NC
Posts: 1,293
Liked 114 Times on 71 Posts
Likes Given: 733
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two gays start to take a shower together
the phone rings,one of them gets out & tells the other ''dont start without me''
he comes back & there is semen all over the walls in the shower!
now he is mad  ask the one in the shower ''why did you start without me''?
other replys : ''i didnt,i farted'' 
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02-19-2012, 07:17 PM
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#557
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Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: ST.LOUIS,missouri
Posts: 2,433
Liked 66 Times on 61 Posts
Likes Given: 168
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That Obama skit was funny-sh!t.....  ....
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02-19-2012, 11:52 PM
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#558
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Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bandera,Texas
Posts: 10,355
Liked 17 Times on 15 Posts
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MobileMarine
Here is a little peom i read in a porta potti
''' here I sit , Azzhole a flexin ,,,, I just gave birth to 3 pound mexican ''''
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Wow, could you be any more offensive?
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02-20-2012, 02:01 AM
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#559
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Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: youngsville,nc
Posts: 2,297
Liked 414 Times on 331 Posts
Likes Given: 291
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Quote:
two gays start to take a shower together
the phone rings,one of them gets out & tells the other ''dont start without me''
he comes back & there is semen all over the walls in the shower!
now he is mad ask the one in the shower ''why did you start without me''?
other replys : ''i didnt,i farted
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Is it possible to laugh and barf at the same time ?
Ment no offense about mexicans , if you like , you can fill in with someother race of your choice , just writing it as i saw it
__________________
Quote:
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Captain, my religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed. God has fixed the time for my death. I do not concern myself about that, but to be always ready, no matter when it may overtake me. Captain, that is the way all men should live
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Let us cross over the river, and rest under the shade of the trees.
Blessed is the man who's quiver is full
You live more in 5 minutes on a bike like this going flat out than some people live in their lifetime.
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02-20-2012, 02:08 AM
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#560
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I'd rather my own son see me die on my feet as a free man, than watch him go, broken, into slavery.
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: West, by God, Funroe,Louisiana
Posts: 14,611
Liked 4754 Times on 2837 Posts
Likes Given: 50
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I always fill in the blank with "russian midget man-whore". It just sounds funny to me.
No offense to russians...I like their guns...
__________________
Come if you must, but only if you must. For the day you find yourself upon my step, will surely be the night you find peace along Jordan's edge.
I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillement of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause, and lies exhausted on the field of battle... Victorious.
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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