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Old 02-03-2012, 12:19 PM   #511
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One fine day, the local minister, the Right Rev'rend Past'r Fuzz was parked in the parking lot of a business that was closed for the day. In the car with him was the Missuz of one of the deacons. All was going well until suddenly a cop pecked on the window of the Past'r's car. The Rev raised up his head to see what was goin' on. The cop said, "You can't park here, I gotta give you a ticket". The Past'r became offended by the audacity of the cop, and said, "You can't do that to me, do you know who I am"? The cop said "No."
The Past'r said, "I'm Past'r Fuzz". Then the cop said, "I don't care if yer past 'er fuzz or all the way in, yer still gettin' a ticket".

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Old 02-04-2012, 05:28 AM   #512
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Insert groan here.
I think I read that in Reader's Digest as a true story.
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Old 02-04-2012, 05:47 AM   #513
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One day there were 3 traveling salesman driving down the road deep in the woods of georgia when suddenly there car ran out of gas. The salesman got out of the car and began walking to try and find a phone to call for help. Only an hour walking it started to storm and it soon became dark. After 3 hours of walking they found a cabin on the side of the road with the lights on. The salesman went to the door hoping to be able to stay the night to get out of the storm. When the door opened it was a beautiful young blonde women, they asked if they could stay the night and the beautiful women welcomed them in. She gave them a meal and showed them to a room. She apoligized that she only had one bed for them and then offered to dry there clothes near the fireplace overnight. The men jumped in the bed tired and beat from walking in the storm and quickly fell asleep. The next morning the men woke up and one of the men said he had a wonderfull dream that he was skiing down the mountain of a resort. The other man said that he had a dream that the beautiful women had tuaght him how to churn butter and they lived on her farm happily ever after. The third man said "well that explains my dream, I dreAmt that me and the women went skinny dipping in the lake and under the water she had givin me a handj0b."

^^^Its a long one but i thought it was funny.

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Old 02-04-2012, 05:51 PM   #514
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A while back, when don't ask don't tell was in effect and co-ed stuff hadn't been implemented, a "gay" soldier decided to get "the operation", and become a woman. While he was on leave, he did the deed. When he/she/it reported back, it caused a a serious problem. They couldn't put him/her/it back with the men, but they didn't regard him/her/it to be a real woman either, so they had a big pow-wow over what to do. They decided they had to discharge the turkey, but that also became a problem. There was no grounds for a dishonorable discharge, but there still was the problem of him rendering himself unqualified for his MOS. After they argued about it for several days, they finally came up with a solution. He was given a "Vaginal Discharge".

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Old 02-04-2012, 05:54 PM   #515
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A while back, when don't ask don't tell was in effect and co-ed stuff hadn't been implemented, a "gay" soldier decided to get "the operation", and become a woman. While he was on leave, he did the deed. When he/she/it reported back, it caused a a serious problem. They couldn't put him/her/it back with the men, but they didn't regard him/her/it to be a real woman either, so they had a big pow-wow over what to do. They decided they had to discharge the turkey, but that also became a problem. There was no grounds for a dishonorable discharge, but there still was the problem of him rendering himself unqualified for his MOS. After they argued about it for several days, they finally came up with a solution. He was given a "Vaginal Discharge".
Have to say I have not heard that one before haha
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Old 02-04-2012, 05:56 PM   #516
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Have to say I have not heard that one before haha
I had.

God didnt make all men equal colonel Sam Colt did
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Old 02-05-2012, 02:51 PM   #517
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Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.


Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed
for the parking lot. My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will
be stolen. As I burst through The doors of the church,
I came to a terrifying conclusion.............. Her theory was right.
The parking lot was empty. I immediately call the police.
I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.


Then I made the most difficult call of all, Honey, I stammered. I always
call her honey� in times like these. I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.


There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Dianes voice. Ken� she barked, I dropped you off!


Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said,Well, come and get me.


Diane retorted, I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car!"

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Old 02-05-2012, 02:58 PM   #518
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A couple was celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one ... "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

"Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is that we're all together today."

Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you."

"It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."

Just then, the daughter arrived. "Hello and happy anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."

After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."

The three children gasped and all said, "You mean we're bastards?"

"Yep," said the father. "And cheap ones too."

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Old 02-05-2012, 08:39 PM   #519
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What a suspecting wife does...


Good 'ole wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her Bedroom.


From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.


She reaches for a Baseball Bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she
can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.


As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.


"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them
stay in our bedroom. Hope you said Hello to them!"

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Old 02-05-2012, 08:45 PM   #520
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Sounds like a husband's revenge to me. I would try to set up something like that if my inlaws were in my house.

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