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Old 01-31-2012, 01:22 AM   #501
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Grandma gets subpoened

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Old 01-31-2012, 01:27 AM   #502
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This may upset some folks if true

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Old 01-31-2012, 04:05 AM   #503
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A friend of mine, SWAT Deputy got on an elevator at the courthouse with two gentlemen in suits. He asked them why attorneys wear neck ties. They looked at each other quizically and answered "No".

To keep the foreskin down!

Man standing in the courthouse hallway complaining to his friend that lawyers are azzholes.
A man walking by overheard the comment and objected that he was offended by the comment.
The man responded that he was sorry "are you a lawyer?".
"No, I'm an azzhole."

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Old 02-02-2012, 04:20 PM   #504
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Once upon a time there were 3 great hunters - a Yugoslavian, a Bavarian, and a Czechoslovakian. One day they decided to go hunting in the Black Forest. Their friends warned them and told them they shouldn't go because there were man-eating bears in the forest. The hunters just laughed and went anyway. After a few days went by and the hunters had not returned, a search party was sent into the forest to look for them. The search party came upon 3 big bears, two females and one male. They shot and killed the bears. Then the leader of the search party said, "We'd best cut them open to see if the 3 hunters are inside". So with great effort and much time spent, they cut open the first female bear, and sure enough, inside was the Yugoslav. Then they painstakingly cut open the second female bear, and inside was the Bavarian. Then the leader of the search party said, "We really don't need to cut open the 3rd bear, it is safe to assume that the Czech is in the male".

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Old 02-03-2012, 02:04 AM   #505
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Default Joke with a moral

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with queenly large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the
Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that, among all of the citizens of the kingdom, only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their
chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and was hailed by both the King and Queen as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick . . .
--------------------------------

The moral of the story - Pay your fxxxxn' bills.

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Old 02-03-2012, 02:53 AM   #506
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A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says.........What is this? Some kind of joke?



EDUB

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Old 02-03-2012, 03:28 AM   #507
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How do you punish a blind person?

You take out your golf shoes and jump all over their braill books.

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Old 02-03-2012, 03:30 AM   #508
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shootitout
How do you punish a blind person?

You take out your golf shoes and jump all over their braill books.
Or rearrange the house.

God didnt make all men equal colonel Sam Colt did
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Old 02-03-2012, 08:33 AM   #509
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A Chinese woman and a Czechoslovakian man go to the hospital with their first child about to be delivered. The nurse asks the father what they plan on naming the child and he admits that they had not given it much thought. The nurse asks if there are any family names that they favor and the Czech father says "Well, my wife is Chinese and I am Czechoslovakian, so we don't have any common family names."

The nurse bursts out and says "Your child will be Chinese Checkers!"

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Old 02-03-2012, 01:08 PM   #510
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vikingdad View Post
A Chinese woman and a Czechoslovakian man go to the hospital with their first child about to be delivered. The nurse asks the father what they plan on naming the child and he admits that they had not given it much thought. The nurse asks if there are any family names that they favor and the Czech father says "Well, my wife is Chinese and I am Czechoslovakian, so we don't have any common family names."

The nurse bursts out and says "Your child will be Chinese Checkers!"
Insert groan here.
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