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Old 11-02-2010, 03:12 AM   #41
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Default Don"t make a sound

Two people go hunting. One shoots a bow in a deer. He say's,sit down and wait here and don't make a sound. So he leaves. The other man does not make a sound. So the other man finds the deer but then he hears a scream. He runs to the man sitting down,he says why did you scream??? The other man says ,I did not scream when the snake bit me,but I did scream when two chipmunks ran up my pants leg and said ''should we eat them here or take them home...

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Old 11-02-2010, 10:08 AM   #42
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Default Hmmm, I'm glad that our...

Hunting season involves wearing long underwear! Btw, your victim must have
forgotten to at least apply the "tried & true" application of kerosene to his
pantcuffs to keep chiggers, ticks & other pests from traveling "up that route"!
Thankfully, my 2 season veteran hunting companion Jethro the beagle did not
pick-up any "passengers" as the low temps of north Idaho in the fall render
the nasty bloodsuckers dormant!

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Old 11-02-2010, 03:16 PM   #43
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Well, there was a Union boss on a business trip to Vegas. While there he decided to check out some of the famous Nevada bordellos. So he went into the first of these pleasure palaces and asked the Madam if this was a Union shop.

She says "Ahh, no, sorry"... and he walks out saying "I'm not gonna do business with anything other than a Union shop!"

He goes into another place, same question, same answer, and out he goes.

This continues until he asks one Madam, "Is this a Union shop?"

She replies, "Yes sir we sure are. Pleasure Workers Local 319, at your service."

The Union boss goes, "Well! THIS is more like it." He looks around at the ladies waiting on the sofas, and points to a slim young lady, "I'll take her there."

But the Madam is bringing out a 60'ish flabby lady with one tooth, and explains, "Yes, I'm sure you would like Fifi there, but Bertha here has more Union seniority and claims first rights... "

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Old 11-03-2010, 09:13 AM   #44
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Default EEEWWW, but now the...

"Cornholio" part makes sence!

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Old 11-06-2010, 08:31 PM   #45
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At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"

"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointedthat his unusual question had a practical answer.

But on he went, in his obnoxious way. "What about all these bread-wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi who could see that the auditor was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manu facturer, and every now and then the send us a free box of bread-wafers."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the k now-it-all Rabbi.


"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover Foreskins from the circumcisions youperform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

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Old 11-09-2010, 12:25 AM   #46
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Default Three indians

There was once 3 indians and a chief. The chief told the indians to go hunting,a couple minutes later the first indian comes back with a deer, the chief said.how did you get that deer?...the indian said,me see track,me follow tracks,me shoot deer. Then the 2nd indian comes back with a bear. The chief asked him how he got the bear?...the indian said me see track,me follow traks,me shoot bear. A couple hours later the third indian comes back all bruised up,and bleeding. the chief asked,what happened to you?...The indian said me see tracks,me follow tracks,me get hit by train...

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Old 11-09-2010, 02:13 AM   #47
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Ernie the Aboriginal rang John his American mate one day and said that he had saved up some money and was flying from Australia to the US to go bear hunting with him.
"Alright" said John, "But you'd better bring all your hunting gear with you because I don't have any to spare".
"Yeah no worries" said Ernie excitedly, "See you soon".

Ernie turned up at John's door a few days later carrying a boomerang and wearing nothing but a small waistcloth and one thong (EDIT: flip-flop ).
"Lose a thong Ernie?" asked John bemusedly.
"Nah, I found one how lucky was that?!"

They talk well into the afternoon and go to bed, ready to go bear hunting the next morning. John woke up the next morning to find the cabin empty and his own gun still on the rack. A small note was left on the kitchen table which read,
"John, I'm going out bear hunting, I'll be back by lunchtime. Ernie".
"There's no way he'll be able to kill a bear and drag it back here by lunchtime" thought John, "I'll give him until 11 and I'll go out looking for him.."

Not five minutes later John heard a faint cry. He walked to the window and he heard it again. "Open the door!!"
A couple of seconds later the cry was repeated, "Open the door!!"

A couple of minutes went by and another cry rang out, this one obviously much closer, "OPEN THE F#%&ING DOOR!!!"

John quickly ran to the door and opened it just in time to see Ernie sprinting out of the forest, the largest Grizzly John had ever seen hot on his tail. The bear had a large bump on his head and was obviously gunning for Ernie. They both were quickly closing on the cabin but just before Ernie reached the front step he tripped on his one thong. The Grizzly, running too fast to pull up came bowling into the cabin with John. Ernie jumped up, slammed the door shut and yelled through the window,
"You skin this bastard and I'll go get another one!"

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Old 11-10-2010, 08:24 AM   #48
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Default Gregs887...

I heard a version of that before...but it involved a resturant that had a
weekly "special" featuring "calimary"! (EEEEWWWW)!

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Old 11-15-2010, 08:35 AM   #49
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Default From Jeff Foxwortheys desk calender...

Recently. "You might be a redneck if"... Everything in your freezer smells like
deer meat! Well...No! (But, that is because we triple wrap the meat in plastic
wrap, then butcher paper & freezer bags)!

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Old 11-16-2010, 08:47 PM   #50
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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact???...Breast don't have eye's....Light travels faster than sound....This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.....Haven't heard any good jokes...that's all I hear all day long,but not laytly ...

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