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Old 08-25-2011, 03:28 AM   #371
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How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb???
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hippies don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in filthy sleeping bags.

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Old 08-25-2011, 03:33 AM   #372
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I loved Pvt Murphy going thru Jump School. Memories of my mispent youth. Great 3 point PLF (parachute Landing Fall to you legs). Toes, knees, teeth.

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Old 08-25-2011, 04:59 PM   #373
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Default Planet of the .......

How many years did it take, for the......... to take over the white house, and destroy the U.S.A...........

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Old 08-26-2011, 07:19 PM   #374
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire???...Frostbite.....

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Old 08-26-2011, 11:57 PM   #375
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Default nancy polosie

ST. NANCY PELOSI

Last Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D.C., an aide to Nancy
Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic cathedral in D.C.

He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next
day's Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi
to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling
Pelosi a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the woman, and there
are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of
Pelosi's views.."

Pelosi's aide then said, "Look, I'll write a check here and now for a
donation of $100,000 to your church if you'll just tell the
congregation you see Pelosi as a saint."

The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the
money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon." As Pelosi's
aide promised, Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated
herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle.

As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that
Speaker Pelosi was present.

The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, "While Pelosi's
presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among
my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are
contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip- flop on many
other issues.

Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker,
and a nit-wit.. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a
thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I
have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using
her wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation
for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington, and in
California. The woman is simply not to be trusted."

The Cardinal concluded, "But, when compared with President Obama,
Pelosi is a saint."




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Old 08-27-2011, 03:51 AM   #376
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Default IQ joke

Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

The robot brings back the best Martini ever and says to the man, "What's
your IQ?"

The guy says, "168."

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and
medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious...So he goes back into the bar

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, " Martini."

Again, the robot makes a great Martini, gives it to the man, and says,
"What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "100."

The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere
tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try
it one more time.

He goes back into the bar.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini" and the robot brings him another great Martini

The robot says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you
voted for Obama?"
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Old 08-27-2011, 05:36 AM   #377
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A traveling salesman is going down the road when he sees a red porch light out in front of a "public" house. He pulls in and goes inside. There is an older woman behind the counter to whom he says "I want the oldest, orneriest, meanest and fattest bitch you have, and I want a baloney sandwich on dry bread. I have $500."

The Madam says "For $500 you can have one of our youngest, nicest and sexiest girls and you can have a complete steak dinner."

The salesman replies: "Ma'am, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."

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Old 08-27-2011, 05:41 AM   #378
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lonewolf101 View Post
Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

The robot brings back the best Martini ever and says to the man, "What's
your IQ?"

The guy says, "168."

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and
medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious...So he goes back into the bar

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, " Martini."

Again, the robot makes a great Martini, gives it to the man, and says,
"What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "100."

The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere
tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try
it one more time.

He goes back into the bar.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini" and the robot brings him another great Martini

The robot says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you
voted for Obama?"
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I'm thinking the guy with a 168 IQ would not be ordering a martini and claim he had and IQ of "about 50". On the other hand, what do Obama supporters drink?
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Old 08-27-2011, 06:31 AM   #379
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Quote:
what do Obama supporters drink?
The Kool-Aid.
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Old 08-27-2011, 09:46 AM   #380
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vikingdad View Post
... On the other hand, what do Obama supporters drink?
Mad Dog 20/20
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