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Old 08-06-2011, 02:42 PM   #341
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Hearing Problems A Methodist preacher said, "Anyone
with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward
to the front by the altar."

With that, Tyrone got in line. When it was his turn, the Preacher
asked, "Tyrone, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Tyrone replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my
hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Tyrone's ear,
placed his other hand on top of Tyrone's head, and then prayed and
prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Tyrone, and the
whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and
asked, "Tyrone, how is your hearing now?"

Tyrone answered, "I don't know, Man. It ain't 'til next week."

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Old 08-06-2011, 11:17 PM   #342
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Quote:
You are a REDNECK ...If you have chew-spit stains down the drivers side door of your pickup truck.....
Sorry, bro. You are a REDNECK if there are chew-spit stains down your WIFE'S door of your pickup truck.......
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What we have heah is.... failure to communicate.

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Old 08-07-2011, 07:12 PM   #343
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A FBI agent walks up to a rancher and says"I'm gonna have to check your land for drugs" and the rancher replies "Yes sir just stay out of that far pasture in the corner." the FBI agent pulls out a badge and says" you see this badge here it means i can do whatever i want.'' "ok" replies the rancher. later while the rancher is tending to his garden he hears a sceaming noise, he looks over and the FBI agent is being chased by a big jersey bull in the pasture in the corner" he runs jumps on the fence and yells "SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!!! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!!!"

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Old 08-07-2011, 10:59 PM   #344
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Should a Child Witness Childbirth? (Here's your answer..)

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and patted him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place........spank him again!'

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Old 08-12-2011, 02:17 AM   #345
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A guy and his wife find an S & M magazine under their son's bed. Mom says "This is horrible, what should we do?" Dad goes, "Well we can't spank him!"

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Old 08-12-2011, 04:14 PM   #346
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In 1872 the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

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Old 08-12-2011, 05:11 PM   #347
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Default Before his time.....

What Willie Nelson Song , goes with this animal.....

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Old 08-13-2011, 03:26 AM   #348
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The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another... Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips.. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.

'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'

'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'

'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'

'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Charlie asks, 'Well, was it any good?'

'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'

'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache . She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'

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Old 08-15-2011, 10:25 PM   #349
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Default special olympics

What is better then winning a gold medal in the special olympics?

Not being retarded!

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Old 08-15-2011, 10:44 PM   #350
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What's the hardest part about rollerblading?

Telling your dad you're gay

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