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Old 07-16-2011, 02:22 AM   #321
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The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

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Old 07-16-2011, 03:09 AM   #322
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The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
Out-Freaking-Standing!!!
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Old 07-16-2011, 03:11 AM   #323
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The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
That was me giving you a thumbs up.
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Old 07-16-2011, 03:14 AM   #324
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the red cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
priceless!!!!!!
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Old 07-17-2011, 02:40 AM   #325
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What do Politicians and Bull sperm have in common ???....Only one in 1,000 actually work.....Kids in backseats cause accidents..accidents in backseats cause kids.......

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Old 07-17-2011, 02:58 AM   #326
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What did the doe do on her day off ??...Went down to the ELKS club to blow a few bucks....How do you get rid of unwanted pubic-hair ??...SPIT......Why did the blonde buy a convertible ??...For more leg-room.......

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Old 07-17-2011, 03:02 AM   #327
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Two old women, Lucy and Lois, were sitting around talking. At some point they got on the subject of sex. Lucy told Lois that she and her husband seldom had sex anymore and that she thought her husband was no longer attracted to her old body. Lois said: "I have a secret that will change your sex life. When you get in bed tonight pull your legs behind your head and it will drive your husband crazy...he'll make love to you like never before!"

That same night Lucy tried it. While her husband was in the bathroom getting ready for bed she fought and fought but finally got her legs behind her head. She waited in excitement and finally her husband came out of the bathroom. HE looked at her, paused and rubbed his eyes, then looked at her again...."Good lord Lucy! Comb your hair and put your teeth in...you look like an a$$hole!" He yelled.......

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Old 07-18-2011, 04:40 AM   #328
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A guy robs a bank and takes hostages.

He says to the first hostage, "Did you see me rob the bank?"

The hostage says, "Yes," and the robber shoots him dead.

The robber says to the second hostage, "Did you see me rob the bank?"

The second hostage says, "No, but my wife did."

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Old 07-18-2011, 05:44 AM   #329
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A divorced guy is walking down the beach when he finds a magic lamp, he rubs the lamp and a genie pops out. The Genie says "I can grant you three wishes, but since you are divorced, your ex-wife will receive twice as much as you request in your wishes."

The guy rubs his chin and thinks a bit before saying "First, I wish for a million dollars!" and Shazam! He has a million and his Ex has two million.

Then he says "Next, I want a 500 acre ranch." and Shazam! He has his 500 acre ranch and his Ex has her 1000 acre ranch.

Then he says "For my third wish I want you to beat me half to death...."

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Old 07-18-2011, 08:25 PM   #330
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You might be a Redneck if you've ever hit a deer with your car,deliberately!!!!

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