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Old 05-29-2011, 01:16 AM   #261
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Default Bumper Sticker....

Guns don't kill people,dad's with pretty daughters do.......
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Old 05-29-2011, 01:55 AM   #262
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Guns don't kill people,dad's with pretty daughters do.......
Longhair, you come up with some good ones.
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Old 05-29-2011, 01:56 AM   #263
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I Try...
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Old 05-29-2011, 02:12 AM   #264
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Guns don't kill people,husbands that come home early do!!!.........Heard Ruger is coming-out with a new WISCONSIN model LCP...It won't work and you can't fire it!!!...
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Old 05-29-2011, 02:26 PM   #265
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Saturday afternoon,I was sitting in my lawn chair,drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.....The neighbor lady from across the street came-over and...(SHOUTED)...at me "YOU SHOULD BE HUNG"!!! T took a drink from my ice cold beer,wiped the foam from my lip's and said..I am..That's why she cuts the grass
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Old 05-29-2011, 07:02 PM   #266
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Two couples were playing cards one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.
When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife's legs were spread and she wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John, upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the
table & emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.

Bill's wife followed & asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well, indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial situation as well as the moral costs of this offer, John indicates that he is indeed interested.
She tells him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons & John doesn't, that John should be at her house around 2pm Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house for the planned time at 2pm sharp & after paying her the agreed upon $500, they went to the bedroom & closed their transaction as Sue had promised. Afterwards, John quickly dressed & left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6pm & upon entering the house, asks his wife abruptly, "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
With a lump in her throat, Bill's wife answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?".
In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out, & after mustering up her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500".

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning & borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on
his way home & pay me back."
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Old 05-29-2011, 07:06 PM   #267
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepcreep927 View Post
Two couples were playing cards one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.
When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife's legs were spread and she wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John, upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the
table & emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.

Bill's wife followed & asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well, indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial situation as well as the moral costs of this offer, John indicates that he is indeed interested.
She tells him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons & John doesn't, that John should be at her house around 2pm Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house for the planned time at 2pm sharp & after paying her the agreed upon $500, they went to the bedroom & closed their transaction as Sue had promised. Afterwards, John quickly dressed & left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6pm & upon entering the house, asks his wife abruptly, "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
With a lump in her throat, Bill's wife answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?".
In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out, & after mustering up her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500".

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning & borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on
his way home & pay me back."
Haha! A great twist on an old fav!
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Old 05-29-2011, 11:04 PM   #268
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Play Ball!!!

Barack and Michelle are at the White Sox game.

Sitting in the first row with the Secret Service people directly
behind them, one of
The Secret Service guys leans forward and says something to the
president. Barack stares at the guy, looks at Michelle, looks
back at the agent, and shakes his head violently.

The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request,
from the owner of the team down to the bat boy. And...the fans
would love it!"

So, Barack shrugs his shoulders and says, "If that's what the
people want."

He gets up, grabs Michelle by her collar and the seat of her
pants, and drops her right over the wall into the field. She gets
up kicking, swearing, and screaming -- and the crowd goes wild,
cheering, applauding, and high-fiving.

Barack is bowing and smiling, and leans over to the agent and
says, "You were right, I would have never believed that!"

Then noticing the agent has gone totally pale, Barack asks what
is wrong.

The agent replies, "Sir, I said, they want you to throw out the
first PITCH!"
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Old 05-29-2011, 11:05 PM   #269
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A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake in Florida , walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There's no money in that account.'

'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'

See.......Not All Seniors Are Senile
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Old 05-29-2011, 11:06 PM   #270
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A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full
of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him & his bulging
pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said,
"It's golf balls".

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him
for a very long time, deeply thinking about what
he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her
curiosity any longer, she asked;

"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
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