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Old 05-02-2011, 01:34 PM   #231
RIP my good and faithful dog.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by M14sRock View Post
A wife says to her husband, "Could you please go to the store
for me and buy a carton of milk. And if they have eggs, get six."

A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk.

The wife asks, "Why the heck did you buy six cartons of milk?"

"They had eggs."
This would be funny if it wasn't so true.
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Old 05-02-2011, 10:54 PM   #232
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A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day.
That night, one of the two hunters returned alone, staaggering under
the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked.

"Henry had a stroke or sum-thin. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

"You left Henry layin' out there and carried the deer back ?!?!" they inquired.

"It was a tough call," nodded the hunter.

"But I figured no one's gonna steal Henry"

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Old 05-03-2011, 10:44 PM   #233
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Within two weeks of moving into a new house, the homeowner

had to call an electrician, a roofer and a carpenter. One afternoon he returned early from work and saw a plumber's truck in the driveway.

"Lord," he pleaded, looking skyward, "please let her be having an affair."

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Old 05-06-2011, 11:53 AM   #234
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A man is sitting at home on their patio with his wife and he says, "I love you."



She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"



He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

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Old 05-07-2011, 02:29 PM   #235
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A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "gimme a bin Laden."

Barternder looks at him and says, "What is a bin Laden?"

Man says, "two shots and a splash of water."

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Old 05-07-2011, 08:29 PM   #236
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Default Police Senditivity

I get irritated when people come down on our police officers, saying that they don't care. Well, here is a story that shows not all cops are in that category.

The Fredericksburg, TX Police Department reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the Pedernales River near the HW-87 Bridge. The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting "someone" in Kerrville, TX. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, and an Obama T-shirt.

The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

Police do care.

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Old 05-08-2011, 08:17 AM   #237
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A Blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog and he takes the dog by the chain ,and starts swinging him above his head. Everyone stops and stares. Upset about the way the animal is being treated,a patron runs up to the blind man and demands,"What the hell are you doing??...The blind man say's oh nothing,just looking around......

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Old 05-09-2011, 02:45 PM   #238
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I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me,
'You need a piece of tail.'

I turned with a confused look on my face and said,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'

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Old 05-09-2011, 11:09 PM   #239
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[QUOTE=Daoust_Nat;500139]A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "gimme a bin Laden."

Barternder looks at him and says, "What is a bin Laden?"

Man says, "two shots and a splash of water."[/QUO

You beat me to this one, I just heard it this morning

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Old 05-14-2011, 03:34 AM   #240
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I was walking out of the Carr's store carrying a couple of Porterhouse steaks, a bag of chips, a pack of brats and a half-rack of Sam Adams. A homeless guy was sitting on the sidewalk, said to me "I haven't eaten in two days." I said , "Man, I wish I had your will power."

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