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Old 03-25-2011, 07:03 PM   #181
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What do you call 100 lesbians with guns?

Militia Etheridge

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Old 03-25-2011, 07:54 PM   #182
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During the Packers / Eagles game, the Packers injured Philadelphia quarterback
Kevin Kolb.

Philadelphia then had to play backup quarterback Michael Vick.

During a playoff game against the Eagles, the Packers injured Michael Vick and
another backup was needed.

After the Packers / Cowboys game, Dallas fired Wade Phillips.

After the Packers / Vikings game, Minnesota fired Brad Childress.

Four weeks after losing to the Packers, the 49er's coach Mike Singletary was
fired and replaced.

During the Bears Playoff game, the Packers injured Jay Cutler and backup Todd
Collins forcing the Bears to go with 3rd string quarterback Caleb Hanie.


Is it just me, or did the Packers create more jobs than Obama last year?

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Old 03-25-2011, 07:57 PM   #183
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50th Anniversary



On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her
wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired
Marine and asked, "Honey, do you remember this?"

He looked up from his newspaper and said "Yes dear, I do. You wore
that same negligee the night we were married."

She said, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me
that night?"

He nodded and said "Yes dear, I said, Oh baby, I'm going to suck the
life out of those boobs and screw your brains out."

She giggled and said "That's exactly what you said. So now it's fifty
years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say
tonight?"

He looked her up and down and said, " Mission accomplished."

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Old 03-25-2011, 09:05 PM   #184
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Ran across a bit on PMS Jewelry for the ladies-

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings,
bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be
able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it
turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a
big frickin red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb a$$

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Old 03-26-2011, 12:40 AM   #185
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Quote:
Originally Posted by c3shooter View Post
Ran across a bit on PMS Jewelry for the ladies-

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings,
bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be
able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it
turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a
big frickin red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb a$$
That's too funny!!!!!
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Old 03-26-2011, 01:36 AM   #186
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A little boy comes home with a f on his test and and his parent are curious why cause he usually gets good grades despite hes a little slow in the head.
So his parents ask him why did he fail and he says it's because he doesn't understand how to properly build and use a wagon.
The parents are shocked at his answer and look at his book to make sure he wasn't lying but sure enough its a school book from before the
turn of the century so they go to talk at the next parent /school meeting to bring up why
there children are using out of date books and the principals answer is because of the no child left behind act they had to cut funds and use any books they could find.So the parents ask how they can they get new books in the school and he says well we just have to expel the dumbest child in school so the parents all agree and so he says to the little little boy who came home with failed test your expelled and the little boy stands up and says but i leave now i wont find who the dumbest kid in school is.

(I know its a little long but i thought it was kinda funny)

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Old 03-26-2011, 03:08 AM   #187
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True story here. My Spam buddy (long story, my adopted little sister) is sending her 4 yr old to pre-school. He came home the other day, said "I got in trouble for saying the E word". His dad says "What's that?" Response, "F*ck you". Dad says, "No that's the F word". Kid says "No it's the E word f*cking idiot!" Makes you proud to be paying for that, eh?

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Old 03-26-2011, 01:18 PM   #188
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A SCOTSMAN walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says...

"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."

The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
"If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep,
Not a cow."


The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous b%$&h,
You'd realize I was talking to the sheep."

scotsman01.jpg  
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Old 03-26-2011, 05:38 PM   #189
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What do you say to a chick with no arms and no legs??....NICE T!Ts......Why do chicks wear panties??....Cause state law requires all manholes to be covered when not in use....

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Old 03-27-2011, 03:29 PM   #190
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Default Obama Funnies

You know the honeymoon is over when the comedians start.

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . And think 25 to life would be appropriate.
--Jay Leno

America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask
--Jay Leno

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
--Conan O'Brien

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
--Jay Leno

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.
--David Letterman

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America !
--Jimmy Fallon

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
--Jimmy Kimmel

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
--David Letterman

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