Joke Forum? - Page 17
You are Unregistered, please register to use all of the features of FirearmsTalk.com!    
Firearm & Gun Forum - FireArmsTalk.com > General Discussion Forums > The Club House >

Joke Forum?


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-11-2011, 03:17 AM   #161
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: ST.LOUIS,missouri
Posts: 2,555
Liked 132 Times on 109 Posts
Likes Given: 246

Default Redneck...joke.......

I love you...IN....English...I love you...Spanish...TE AMO...French...JE TAIME...German...ICH LIEBE DICH...Japanese...Ai ****E IMASU...Italian...TI AMO...REDNACK...NICE TITS
LONGHAIR is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2011, 03:26 AM   #162
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: ST.LOUIS,missouri
Posts: 2,555
Liked 132 Times on 109 Posts
Likes Given: 246

Default ROBBER..in the HOUSE.........

One night a robber broke into a house and heard a voice say"JESUS IS WATCHING YOU" while he rumagged through the desk....He replied who said that??...Once again he heard the same thing "JESUS IS WATCING YOU"!!!...The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what is your name,the parrot replied "cornelius". The robber said what kind of name is that,who names a parrot "cornelius"???...The parrot said,the same person who named the "ROTTWEILER"behind you "JESUS"..........
LONGHAIR is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2011, 06:22 PM   #163
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
oldcoptn46's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: EastTN
Posts: 142
Liked 21 Times on 14 Posts
Likes Given: 38

Default

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, were growing in the woods. A small tree began to grow between them, and the beech says to the
birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker landed on the sapling.

The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The woodpecker tasted the small tree and he replied: 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I
have ever put my pecker in.'
__________________
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But the U.S. ARMED FORCES don't have that problem."
Ronald Wilson Reagan, 1911-2004, 40th President of the United States of America
oldcoptn46 is offline  
Balota Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2011, 02:40 PM   #164
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Daoust_Nat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Orlando,Florida
Posts: 2,286
Liked 1406 Times on 685 Posts
Likes Given: 98

Default

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?"

"1951, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out and relax! I mean no sex since 1951! Come with me." She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterward, panting for breath, she leaned against his grizzled bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1951."

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."
Daoust_Nat is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2011, 02:46 PM   #165
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Daoust_Nat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Orlando,Florida
Posts: 2,286
Liked 1406 Times on 685 Posts
Likes Given: 98

Default Survivor Texas Style

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, "Survivor, Texas-Style!"

The 8 contestants will all start in Dallas then drive to Waco , Austin , San Antonio , over to Houston and down to Brownsville . They will then proceed up to Del Rio , El Paso , Odessa , Midland , Lubbock , and Amarillo . From there they will go on to Abilene , Fort Worth , and finally back to Dallas ...

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read: "I'm a Democrat," "Amnesty for Illegals," "I love the Dixie Chicks," "Boycott Beef," "I Voted for Obama, " George Strait Stinks," "Hillary in 2012" And... "I'm here to confiscate your guns."

The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins..
Daoust_Nat is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2011, 11:17 PM   #166
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Scratchammo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Memphis,The volunteer state
Posts: 1,484
Liked 24 Times on 18 Posts
Likes Given: 162

Default

Me- Can you check & see if my back blinkers are working?

My blonde ex- Kay

Me- Is it working?

My blonde ex- Yes-no-yes-no-yes.....
__________________
"THE SIERRA JUST HOTEL TANGO FOXTROT -OVER"

MALO PERICULOSAM LIBERTATEM QUAM QUIETUM SERVITIUM
Scratchammo is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 03-15-2011, 10:35 PM   #167
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Daoust_Nat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Orlando,Florida
Posts: 2,286
Liked 1406 Times on 685 Posts
Likes Given: 98

Default

HOW TO SELL ... TOOTHBRUSHES

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said
proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and

I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that
magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.

The teacher held her breath ...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full > off cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher,

"How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much > money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip > &
Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog ****!"

Then I would say,"It is dog ****. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
"I used the Obama governmental approach of giving you something ****ty, but
looks good, for free, and then making you pay to get the ****ty taste out
of your mouth."

The teacher was speechless. . . . . . . .

Little Johnny got 5 stars for his efforts, bless his heart. . . . . . .
Daoust_Nat is offline  
schnuffleupagus Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 03-15-2011, 10:47 PM   #168
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
IDVague's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 199
Liked 6 Times on 3 Posts
Likes Given: 4

Default

A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, 'You must be in the 5th grade.'

'No, ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.
IDVague is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 03-15-2011, 10:56 PM   #169
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Scratchammo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Memphis,The volunteer state
Posts: 1,484
Liked 24 Times on 18 Posts
Likes Given: 162

Default

I love Little Johnny jokes. Here's another:
The teacher was teaching subtraction in her math class. She asked "if there were 24 birds in a tree & someone shoots 5 how many are left?"

Little Johnny raised his hand, the teacher hesitantly calls on him. Little Johnny says "none". "None?" the teacher asks. Little Johnny then said "the shot scared the rest away. The teacher looking pleasantly surprised says "well actually the answer is 19 but I like how you think".

Little Johnny asks the teacher if he can give a question. The teacher says ok. Little Johnny said "There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice-cream. The first one is licking it, the second is biting it, & the third swallowed hers whole. Which one is married?"

The teacher blushing says "Um, the one that swallowed it whole."

Little Johnny says "Nope, it's the one wearing a wedding ring but I like how you think."
__________________
"THE SIERRA JUST HOTEL TANGO FOXTROT -OVER"

MALO PERICULOSAM LIBERTATEM QUAM QUIETUM SERVITIUM
Scratchammo is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2011, 02:33 AM   #170
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Daoust_Nat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Orlando,Florida
Posts: 2,286
Liked 1406 Times on 685 Posts
Likes Given: 98

Default Ole the Wrestler

OLE THE WRESTLER.....

Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling coach came to Ole and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian.. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has". Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished'.
Ole nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, Ole and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing Ole and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the coach buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the coach raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and Ole collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match.

The crowd went crazy. The coach was astounded.

When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"

Ole answered, "Vell, I vas ready to give up ven he got me in dat hold, but at da last moment, I opened my eyes and saw dis pair of testicles right in front of my face...I had nuttin' to lose so wid my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit dose babies just as hard as I could."

So the trainer exclaimed, "That's what finished him off!"

"Vel not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get ven you bite your own nuts!"
Daoust_Nat is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Firearms Forum Replies Last Post
Is it just me or does the firing line forum seem restrictive compared to this forum tiberius10721 The Club House 43 03-20-2013 04:39 PM
Fixing Death Row: Not a joke or forum game Dillinger The Club House 30 06-26-2010 07:40 PM
Joke Of the Day markerdown The Club House 8 11-13-2009 07:09 PM
Joke of the Day markerdown The Club House 5 10-23-2009 11:20 PM



Newest Threads