Joke Forum? - Page 155
Firearm & Gun Forum - FireArmsTalk.com > General Discussion Forums > The Club House > Joke Forum?

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-07-2013, 02:11 PM   #1541
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Daoust_Nat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Orlando,Florida
Posts: 2,105
Liked 1227 Times on 600 Posts
Likes Given: 74

Default

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes.

As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:

"Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train".

"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting".

"No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss".

"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".

"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"

Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly. When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, "Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."

Sue doesn't use her cell phone in public any longer.

___________

__________________

A bad day at the range is better then a good day on the job!

Daoust_Nat is offline  
4
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-08-2013, 07:04 PM   #1542
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
rocshaman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: KanOkla
Posts: 3,279
Liked 2143 Times on 1344 Posts
Likes Given: 2160

Default

Rofl! ....................

__________________
rocshaman is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-08-2013, 09:56 PM   #1543
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Daoust_Nat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Orlando,Florida
Posts: 2,105
Liked 1227 Times on 600 Posts
Likes Given: 74

Default

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of
church services , when she was startled by an intruder. She caught
the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled:
'Stop! Acts 2:38!' (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus
Christ , so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar
stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and
explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to
take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there?
All the old lady did was yell a scripture to
you.'

'Scripture?' replied the burglar 'She said she had an
Ax and Two 38s!'

__________________

A bad day at the range is better then a good day on the job!

Daoust_Nat is offline  
Jagermeister Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2013, 09:15 PM   #1544
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
DeltaF's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Deep South USA
Posts: 2,949
Liked 2200 Times on 1218 Posts
Likes Given: 280

Default

LoL, reminds me of a true story. A friend of the family, who is a sweet old lady and was pushing 80 at the time, had someone stick a gun in her face and demand her purse. She was scared to death and froze. She decided to say a scripture to help her snap out of it.

All she could remember was Psalm 91:4 "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart." Which she had just memorized in a church class.

She was so freaked out though, instead of quoting the scripture all she could get out was "I'm covered with FEATHERS! IM COVERED WITH FEATHERS!"

She said the guy turned around and ran for his life.

__________________
Quote:
Nobody on this thread licked anybody's bodypart.

Nobody said anything.....about Glocks until you posted about your bacon dog who needs dentures.

What did somebody forget to engage their safety and shoot the dogs front teeth out? Or are we blaming that on the Glock shooters?

"Gaston, the Doggy dentist's best friend."

Last edited by DeltaF; 12-09-2013 at 09:18 PM.
DeltaF is offline  
3
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2013, 09:32 PM   #1545
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: West, by God, Funroe,Louisiana
Posts: 18,707
Liked 9203 Times on 5058 Posts
Likes Given: 74

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daoust_Nat View Post
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes.

As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:

"Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train".

"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting".

"No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss".

"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".

"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"

Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly. When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, "Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."

Sue doesn't use her cell phone in public any longer.

___________
I'm sharing this one on facebook!
__________________
trip286 is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2013, 10:28 PM   #1546
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: West, by God, Funroe,Louisiana
Posts: 18,707
Liked 9203 Times on 5058 Posts
Likes Given: 74

Default

And one from facebook....

Laughter is the best medicine.

Unless you have diarrhea.

__________________
trip286 is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2013, 01:00 AM   #1547
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
rocshaman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: KanOkla
Posts: 3,279
Liked 2143 Times on 1344 Posts
Likes Given: 2160

Default

img80.jpg

obama-kenya-birthplace.jpg
__________________
rocshaman is offline  
4
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2013, 02:42 PM   #1548
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Pendleton, 29670,South Carolina
Posts: 2,586
Liked 1273 Times on 736 Posts
Likes Given: 1937

Default

HELL EXPLAINED
BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

__________________
AIKIJUTSU is offline  
8
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2013, 05:17 PM   #1549
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
string1946's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Georgia
Posts: 6,806
Liked 1460 Times on 1024 Posts
Likes Given: 273

Default Immigrant Style

An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker.



"Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?" he asks.



"$ 100" she replies.



In broken English, he says, "Do you do immigrant style?"



"No" she says.



"I pay you $200 to do immigrant style."



"No," she says, not knowing what immigrant style is.



"I pay you $300."



"No," she says.



"I pay you $400."



"No," she says.



So finally he says, "OK, I pay $1,000 to do immigrant style."





She thinks, "Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now..

I've had every kind of request from weirdoes from every part of the world. How bad could immigrant style be?"



So she agrees and has sex with him.. Finally, after several hours, they finish.



Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was ok. So, what exactly is immigrant style?"



The illegal immigrant replies, "You send bill to Government."



AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS

ARE DOING TO US!

__________________

NRA Endowdment Life Member.....F&AM
Curio and Relics License Holder (FFL 03)

Gun confiscation will not happen in my lifetime.

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." C.S. Lewis

string1946 is offline  
MobileMarine Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2013, 09:12 PM   #1550
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
kaido's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 1,722
Liked 346 Times on 222 Posts
Likes Given: 2

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by string1946
An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker. "Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?" he asks. "$ 100" she replies. In broken English, he says, "Do you do immigrant style?" "No" she says. "I pay you $200 to do immigrant style." "No," she says, not knowing what immigrant style is. "I pay you $300." "No," she says. "I pay you $400." "No," she says. So finally he says, "OK, I pay $1,000 to do immigrant style." She thinks, "Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now.. I've had every kind of request from weirdoes from every part of the world. How bad could immigrant style be?" So she agrees and has sex with him.. Finally, after several hours, they finish. Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was ok. So, what exactly is immigrant style?" The illegal immigrant replies, "You send bill to Government." AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ARE DOING TO US!
.....I'm stealing this one for Facebook....
__________________
kaido is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Firearms Forum Replies Last Post
Is it just me or does the firing line forum seem restrictive compared to this forum tiberius10721 The Club House 43 03-20-2013 04:39 PM
Fixing Death Row: Not a joke or forum game Dillinger The Club House 30 06-26-2010 07:40 PM
Joke Of the Day markerdown The Club House 8 11-13-2009 07:09 PM
Joke of the Day markerdown The Club House 5 10-23-2009 11:20 PM



Newest Threads