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Old 11-01-2013, 01:28 AM   #1481
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The media are grooming Hillary Clinton to be our next President partly because she's a woman . Other than that, why would you vote for her ? I thought it was a vagina, not a free pass to the White House !
With leftist Obama we have " conversations " and " teachable moments " . What would we have with a leftist woman president ? " Vagina monologues " ?????

One thing is certain : Next pesidential election, Barak Hussain Obama will get exactly the number of votes he deserves .

- ( Tell everybody that George Carlin said it )--

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Old 11-01-2013, 01:41 AM   #1482
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A man enters a restroom and begins to unzip his pants. The gentleman next to him noticed that he was struggling and looked like he needed some help so he assisted him.

When he was done the gentleman asked, "Korea?"

The man replied, "No. Gonorrhea. I'll be damned if I'm gonna touch it".

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Old 11-01-2013, 04:28 AM   #1483
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Default Puns for all #9

A group of friars opened a florist shop to help with their belfry
payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of God, so their
business flourished. A rival florist became upset that his business was
suffering because people felt compelled to buy from the Friars, so he
asked the Friars to cut back hours or close down. The Friars refused. So
the florist then hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest thug in town.
He went to the Friars' shop, beat them up, destroyed their flowers,
trashed their shop, and said that if they didn't close, he'd be back.
Well, totally terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid in their rooms.
This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

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Old 11-01-2013, 04:29 AM   #1484
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Default Puns for all #10

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which
created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very
bad breath. This made him.... what? (This is so bad it's good...) --a
super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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Old 11-01-2013, 04:30 AM   #1485
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Default Puns for ... ok, last one I swear!

And finally, ... there was a person who sent 10 puns to some friends
in hopes at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no
pun in ten did.

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Old 11-01-2013, 04:31 AM   #1486
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Bad.....

When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

Where do you find chili beans? At the North Pole.

At the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?"

They told me I had type A blood , but it was a Type- O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra .

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory . I hope there's no pop quiz.

Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? Because it's two tired.

What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog? The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?
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Old 11-01-2013, 05:10 AM   #1487
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Harry was sick and tired of being constantly badgered by his wife Barbara for spending so much time at the bar. Hoping it would help matters, Harry invited Barbara along with him.
“So what would you like?” Harry cordially asked, as she took her seat next to him. “Oh I don’t know” Barbara replied, “I guess I’ll take the same thing as you.”
“OK” said Harry to the bartender, “we’ll take two Johnny Walker’s on the rocks!”
Barbara barely took a sip of the drink before she started gagging “Oh my gosh! Get me a cup of water! This stuff is horrible! How do you drink this garbage?”
“See?” said Harry “and you think I come here just to have a good time?!“…

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Old 11-01-2013, 02:34 PM   #1488
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Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

===

"I had a rough night Friday. I tried to out drink the guy across the bar from me".

===

On any given Friday night, more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

===

My wife used to give me $1.00 each workday for lunch. After a long argument, I won. Now she gives me $5.00 every Monday.

===

Did you hear what the masochist said to the sadist? He said, "Hit me". The sadist said, "No".

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Old 11-01-2013, 08:00 PM   #1489
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What's your hat size?

http://www.gotnarcosis.com/brucewittmeier/images/WhatsYourHatSize.jpg

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Old 11-01-2013, 08:22 PM   #1490
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wittmeba View Post
Not braggin', but I'd have to switch hats. Whoops - I'm giving away the size of my head.
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