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Old 10-08-2013, 01:16 AM   #1441
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(in seriousness) there's a buck on our property that looks like this one I hope to get this year ...
"You can run like a girl cause I shoot like a man!" Teri LaFaye

You Tube Teri LaFaye one handed shooting 500
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Old 10-08-2013, 10:35 AM   #1442
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Not a "joke" but still funny. For those of you who have daughters that are dating, when her boyfriend shows up to pick her up for a date simply throw a shotgun shell, 45, 9mm, what ever you got and when he asks what that was for then reply "that moves a lot faster past midnight" lol
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Old 10-08-2013, 02:24 PM   #1443
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A piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a beer. The Bartender asks "Hey, are you a piece of rope?" The rope answers yes and the Bartender says "We don't serve rope." So the rope go's outside and ties himself in a knot and comes back in. "Gimme a beer," he says. The bartender looks at him and asks "Hey, are you a piece of rope?" The rope answers yes and the Bartender says "We don't serve rope." So the rope go's outside and frays the top of his head. He walks back into the bar and says "Gimme a beer." The Bartender takes a long look at him and says' " Hey, aren't you that piece of rope?" and the rope say's "Nope, I'm a Frayed Knot."
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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." C.S. Lewis
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Old 10-08-2013, 10:53 PM   #1444
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Originally Posted by austin92 View Post
not a "joke" but still funny. For those of you who have daughters that are dating, when her boyfriend shows up to pick her up for a date simply throw a shotgun shell, 45, 9mm, what ever you got and when he asks what that was for then reply "that moves a lot faster past midnight" lol
USMC 74-78
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Old 10-09-2013, 02:38 PM   #1445
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Marine Corps Rules:

1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with
a '4.'
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral &
diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years no body will remember the details of caliber, stance, or
tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to

Navy SEAL's Rules:

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.

US Army Rangers Rules:

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

US Army Rules:

1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.

US Air Force Rules:

1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask 'What is a gunfight?'
5. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point
6. Wine & dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.

7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close
enough to have tax exemption.

US Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3 . Deploy Marines


And the next... (You've got to love the military, and God bless them all.)

U.S. Navy Directive 16134 (Inappropriate T-Shirts)

The following directive was issued by the commanding officer of all naval
installations in the Middle East .
(It was obviously directed at the Marines.)

To: All Commands

Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts

Ref: ComMidEast For Inst 16134//24 K

All commanders promulgate upon receipt. The following T-shirts are no longer
to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian personnel serving in
the Middle East :

1. 'Eat Pork or Die'
[both English and Arabic versions]

2. 'Shrine Busters'
[Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery shells impacting Islamic
shrines. Some with unit logos.]

3. 'Goat - it isn't just for breakfast anymore.'
[Both English and Arabic versions]

4. 'The road to Paradise begins with me.'
[Mostly Arabic versions, but some in English. Some show sniper scope

5. 'Guns don't kill people. I kill people.'
[Both Arabic and English versions]

6. 'Pork. The other white meat.'
[Arabic version]

7. 'Infidel'
[English, Arabic and other coalition force languages.]

The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt of
this directive.

In addition, the following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this

1. 'Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range at 0800
2. 'Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?'

All commands are instructed to implement sensitivity training upon receipt.
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Old 10-09-2013, 05:20 PM   #1446
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You know why the airforce is the smartest branch?

Army officers:
Take that hill
They send the enlisted to attack meet some resistance regroup plan flank take the hill.

Marine Corp Officers:
Take that hill
The enlisted go wave after wave until the hill is conquered.

Navy Officers:
Whats a hill?

Airforce Headquarters:
Take that hill.
They take their Officers put them in the aircraft and tell them to attack that hill. After it is all said and done the enlisted are sitting in a nice air condition room drinking tea. While the officers are off "taking another hill"
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Old 10-09-2013, 05:43 PM   #1447
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Reminds me of the three generals talking about bravery.
Marine General demonstrates bravery by having a marine rush a michine gun nest.
Army General demonstrates bravery by having a grunt grenade a machine gun nest.

Air Force General demonstrates bravery when instructing the airman to take said machine gun nest and airman sez "Screw you".
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"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

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Old 10-11-2013, 02:48 AM   #1448
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Reason government shut down :

If you ram socialism down our throats, we'll shove it up your ass .

Ted Cruz came to Washington to kick liberal asses and chew tobacco . And he's all out of tobacco .

Good governance is in the eye of the beholder but the presidency is in the hole of the behinder .

....because even some politicians know you can't get something for nothing .

Stealing from the rich is...well...actually, it's stealing .
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Old 10-11-2013, 02:54 AM   #1449
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Why the branches of the Armed Forces cannot communicate amongst themselves- Tell all of them to "Secure a building."

Navy- turns off lights, closes and locks doors and windows.

Army- puts 2 privates outside, who will refuse to admit you without the password.

Marines- Assaults building, digs fighting positions in flower beds, calls for air strike on self.

Air Force- takes out 3 year lease with option to buy.

Coast Guard- waits for Navy to give them building they no longer want.
What we have here is... failure- to communicate.
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Old 10-12-2013, 07:54 PM   #1450
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1. The nicest thing about the future is . . .
that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog .. . .
but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor . . .
you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining . . .
as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is . . .
when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who
is afraid of the dark . .
to become a teenager who wants to stay out all

7. Business conventions are important . . .
because they demonstrate how many people a company
can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions . . .
you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a cat (or dog) . . ..
and you will have a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the
teenage boy (or girl) . . ..
who wants to buy a car .

11. There are no new sins . . ..
the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for
a wrong
number at 4 a.m. . ..
like, it could be the right number.

13. No one ever says "It's only a game" . . .
when their team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where . . .
'happy hour' is a nap.

15. Be careful about reading the fine print . . .
there's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that . . .
not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years . . .
we'll have thousands of old ladies running around
with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

18. Money can't buy happiness .. . .
but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a
Cadillac than
in a Yugo .

19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every
joint . . .
you're probably dead.

20. Always be yourself because the people that
matter don't mind . . ..
and the ones that mind don't matter.

21. Life isn't tied with a bow .. . .
but it's still a gift.

A bad day at the range is better then a good day on the job!
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