Joke Forum? - Page 145
Firearm & Gun Forum - FireArmsTalk.com > General Discussion Forums > The Club House > Joke Forum?

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-08-2013, 02:16 AM   #1441
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
terilafaye's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 186
Liked 179 Times on 103 Posts
Likes Given: 304

Default

(in seriousness) there's a buck on our property that looks like this one I hope to get this year ...

deer-balls.jpg  
__________________

"You can run like a girl cause I shoot like a man!" Teri LaFaye www.terilafaye.com

You Tube Teri LaFaye one handed shooting 500
www.youtube.com/user/sassyonyx

terilafaye is offline  
tri70 Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2013, 11:35 AM   #1442
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
austin92's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 825
Liked 181 Times on 134 Posts

Default

Not a "joke" but still funny. For those of you who have daughters that are dating, when her boyfriend shows up to pick her up for a date simply throw a shotgun shell, 45, 9mm, what ever you got and when he asks what that was for then reply "that moves a lot faster past midnight" lol

__________________
austin92 is offline  
4
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2013, 03:24 PM   #1443
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
string1946's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Georgia
Posts: 6,806
Liked 1460 Times on 1024 Posts
Likes Given: 273

Default

A piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a beer. The Bartender asks "Hey, are you a piece of rope?" The rope answers yes and the Bartender says "We don't serve rope." So the rope go's outside and ties himself in a knot and comes back in. "Gimme a beer," he says. The bartender looks at him and asks "Hey, are you a piece of rope?" The rope answers yes and the Bartender says "We don't serve rope." So the rope go's outside and frays the top of his head. He walks back into the bar and says "Gimme a beer." The Bartender takes a long look at him and says' " Hey, aren't you that piece of rope?" and the rope say's "Nope, I'm a Frayed Knot."

__________________

NRA Endowdment Life Member.....F&AM
Curio and Relics License Holder (FFL 03)

Gun confiscation will not happen in my lifetime.

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." C.S. Lewis

string1946 is offline  
stratrider Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2013, 11:53 PM   #1444
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
limbkiller's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: georgetown,ky
Posts: 1,344
Liked 958 Times on 510 Posts
Likes Given: 738

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by austin92 View Post
not a "joke" but still funny. For those of you who have daughters that are dating, when her boyfriend shows up to pick her up for a date simply throw a shotgun shell, 45, 9mm, what ever you got and when he asks what that was for then reply "that moves a lot faster past midnight" lol
lololololol
__________________

USMC 74-78

limbkiller is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2013, 03:38 PM   #1445
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Pendleton, 29670,South Carolina
Posts: 2,586
Liked 1275 Times on 736 Posts
Likes Given: 1937

Default

Marine Corps Rules:

1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with
a '4.'
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is
expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral &
diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years no body will remember the details of caliber, stance, or
tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to
shoot.


Navy SEAL's Rules:

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.


US Army Rangers Rules:

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.


US Army Rules:

1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.


US Air Force Rules:

1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask 'What is a gunfight?'
5. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point
presentation.
6. Wine & dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.

7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close
enough to have tax exemption.


US Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3 . Deploy Marines


--------------------------------------------------

And the next... (You've got to love the military, and God bless them all.)

U.S. Navy Directive 16134 (Inappropriate T-Shirts)

The following directive was issued by the commanding officer of all naval
installations in the Middle East .
(It was obviously directed at the Marines.)

To: All Commands

Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts

Ref: ComMidEast For Inst 16134//24 K

All commanders promulgate upon receipt. The following T-shirts are no longer
to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian personnel serving in
the Middle East :

1. 'Eat Pork or Die'
[both English and Arabic versions]

2. 'Shrine Busters'
[Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery shells impacting Islamic
shrines. Some with unit logos.]

3. 'Goat - it isn't just for breakfast anymore.'
[Both English and Arabic versions]

4. 'The road to Paradise begins with me.'
[Mostly Arabic versions, but some in English. Some show sniper scope
cross-hairs.]

5. 'Guns don't kill people. I kill people.'
[Both Arabic and English versions]

6. 'Pork. The other white meat.'
[Arabic version]

7. 'Infidel'
[English, Arabic and other coalition force languages.]


The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt of
this directive.

In addition, the following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this
message:

1. 'Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range at 0800
Daily.'
2. 'Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?'

All commands are instructed to implement sensitivity training upon receipt.

__________________
AIKIJUTSU is offline  
Rocky7 Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2013, 06:20 PM   #1446
hmh
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
hmh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 654
Liked 157 Times on 109 Posts

Default

You know why the airforce is the smartest branch?

Army officers:
Take that hill
They send the enlisted to attack meet some resistance regroup plan flank take the hill.

Marine Corp Officers:
Take that hill
The enlisted go wave after wave until the hill is conquered.

Navy Officers:
Whats a hill?

Airforce Headquarters:
Take that hill.
They take their Officers put them in the aircraft and tell them to attack that hill. After it is all said and done the enlisted are sitting in a nice air condition room drinking tea. While the officers are off "taking another hill"

__________________
hmh is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2013, 06:43 PM   #1447
Retired
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
danf_fl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: LA (Lower Alabama),FL
Posts: 10,580
Liked 3112 Times on 1788 Posts
Likes Given: 1322

Default

Reminds me of the three generals talking about bravery.
Marine General demonstrates bravery by having a marine rush a michine gun nest.
Army General demonstrates bravery by having a grunt grenade a machine gun nest.

Air Force General demonstrates bravery when instructing the airman to take said machine gun nest and airman sez "Screw you".

__________________

Amendment II:
"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

Life Member NRA
Life Member NAHC
Former President of the ECPT (Eifel Combat Pistol Team)

danf_fl is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-2013, 03:48 AM   #1448
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 1,040
Liked 250 Times on 178 Posts
Likes Given: 15

Default

Reason government shut down :

If you ram socialism down our throats, we'll shove it up your ass .

Ted Cruz came to Washington to kick liberal asses and chew tobacco . And he's all out of tobacco .

Good governance is in the eye of the beholder but the presidency is in the hole of the behinder .

....because even some politicians know you can't get something for nothing .

Stealing from the rich is...well...actually, it's stealing .
__________________
Rentacop is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-2013, 03:54 AM   #1449
Moderator
FTF_MODERATOR.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
c3shooter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Third bunker on the right,Central Virginia
Posts: 17,180
Liked 9543 Times on 4105 Posts
Likes Given: 1499

Default

Why the branches of the Armed Forces cannot communicate amongst themselves- Tell all of them to "Secure a building."

Navy- turns off lights, closes and locks doors and windows.

Army- puts 2 privates outside, who will refuse to admit you without the password.

Marines- Assaults building, digs fighting positions in flower beds, calls for air strike on self.

Air Force- takes out 3 year lease with option to buy.

Coast Guard- waits for Navy to give them building they no longer want.

__________________

What we have here is... failure- to communicate.

c3shooter is offline  
stratrider Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2013, 08:54 PM   #1450
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Daoust_Nat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Orlando,Florida
Posts: 2,163
Liked 1294 Times on 629 Posts
Likes Given: 77

Default

APHORISM : A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES
A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH

1. The nicest thing about the future is . . .
that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog .. . .
but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor . . .
you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining . . .
as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is . . .
when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who
is afraid of the dark . .
to become a teenager who wants to stay out all
night?

7. Business conventions are important . . .
because they demonstrate how many people a company
can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions . . .
you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a cat (or dog) . . ..
and you will have a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the
teenage boy (or girl) . . ..
who wants to buy a car .

11. There are no new sins . . ..
the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for
a wrong
number at 4 a.m. . ..
like, it could be the right number.

13. No one ever says "It's only a game" . . .
when their team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where . . .
'happy hour' is a nap.

15. Be careful about reading the fine print . . .
there's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that . . .
not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years . . .
we'll have thousands of old ladies running around
with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

18. Money can't buy happiness .. . .
but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a
Cadillac than
in a Yugo .

19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every
joint . . .
you're probably dead.

20. Always be yourself because the people that
matter don't mind . . ..
and the ones that mind don't matter.

21. Life isn't tied with a bow .. . .
but it's still a gift.

REMEMBER....
POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD
BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE
SAME REASON

__________________

A bad day at the range is better then a good day on the job!

Daoust_Nat is offline  
2
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Firearms Forum Replies Last Post
Is it just me or does the firing line forum seem restrictive compared to this forum tiberius10721 The Club House 43 03-20-2013 05:39 PM
Fixing Death Row: Not a joke or forum game Dillinger The Club House 30 06-26-2010 08:40 PM
Joke Of the Day markerdown The Club House 8 11-13-2009 08:09 PM
Joke of the Day markerdown The Club House 5 10-24-2009 12:20 AM