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Old 09-29-2013, 03:41 AM   #1421
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A lifelong Democrat watching CNN can't tell the difference between CNN and real news . Or to put it another way :

" He's like the Tidy Bowl Man .
He's been in the funk so long ;
it don't smell wrong ".
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Old 09-30-2013, 11:07 PM   #1422
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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.' Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot. 'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird. 'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.' "
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Old 10-01-2013, 02:27 AM   #1423
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Second City satire on Obama and WW III

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Old 10-01-2013, 02:12 PM   #1424
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WOW! Somebody put a lot of work into that!
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Old 10-03-2013, 02:29 AM   #1425
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First the bad news :
Any government shut-down will only be temporary .

The government employees may be paid for the time they are furloughed . Imagine ! Government workers getting paid for doing nothing !????

I tried to order a book on accurate pistol shooting online but I kept clicking the wrong boxes .

CNN kept running the same footage of two trains that collided . It took me 5 showings to realize they weren't still reporting on Obamacare .

They're getting rid of CNN . From now on, they're just going to let the White House do the news itself .

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Old 10-03-2013, 02:43 AM   #1426
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A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.

As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say: "Supersex."

She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said: "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered: "I'll take the soup."
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Old 10-03-2013, 02:37 PM   #1427
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" Living through the Obama administration is like being stuck in a really bad Eddie Murphy movie . "

" Public figures write books often. Joe Biden is working on one entitled, Home Defense for Dummies ."

Why are anti-freedom politicians running scared ? Two words : Colo rado .
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Old 10-03-2013, 10:26 PM   #1428
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocky7 View Post
A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.

As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say: "Supersex."

She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said: "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered: "I'll take the soup."
LOL Good one Rocky
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Old 10-04-2013, 01:32 AM   #1429
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A woman confides that her new boyfriend has premature ejaculation .

" Where'd you meet him ", asks her friend .

The woman answers, " Speed Dating ."
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Old 10-04-2013, 01:53 AM   #1430
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A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.

The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
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