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Old 07-18-2013, 06:14 PM   #1311
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Definition of PMS :
Three weeks of blues followed by a week of ragtime .
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Trayvon Martin's parents wanted to sell his hoodie but it had a hole in it .

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George Zimmer left Men's Wearhouse . He'll be replaced by Gorge Zimmerman - slogan : " You're not gonna like the way you look . I guarantee it . "

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ABC News reported that the Stand Your Ground Law was central Zimmerman case . Funny, in the actual trial, it wasn't even mentioned . NBC faked the audio of Zimmerman's call to police . CNN lied by omission . There was more accurate reporting the night Orson Welles broadcast War of the Worlds , reporting on a Martian invasion !

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Old 07-26-2013, 08:46 PM   #1312
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An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...'

Some old men can still think fast.

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Old 07-27-2013, 09:04 PM   #1313
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A man was wading in a pond wearing only his hat when he saw a woman approaching, so he held his hat so as to block her view of his private parts. She laughed. He shouted, " If you were a lady, you'd bring me my clothes ! "

She replied, " If you were a gentleman, you'd tip your hat " .
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All the news about Snowden seeking asylum ...Heck, he just fled America, which is now the biggest insane asylum on Earth .

NSA assured us that they need to monitor all our phone records and Internet activities for information ; They tried getting their information from CNN but all they got was B.S.

Yes, Snowden is a traitor . He voted for Obama .

George Zimmerman is now a hunted man . Now that's progress : a black lynch mob !

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Old 07-27-2013, 09:22 PM   #1314
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rentacop
Yes, Snowden is a traitor . He voted for Obama . !
Snowden didn't vote for obama.
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Old 07-27-2013, 10:12 PM   #1315
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A cop pulls over a suspicious driver...
Cop says "I need you to take a breathalyzer test"
Guy says "I'm sorry, I can't, I have asthma, and I might have an attack..."
Cop replies "Alright, then I'll need to take a blood sample"
Guy says "I'm a hemophiliac, it might make me bleed to death"
Cop replies "Then I'll need a urine sample"
Guy says "I can't, I'm a diabetic, and it might lower my blood sugar too much"
So the cop replies "alright fine, just walk this straight line"
Guy says "I can't, I'm drunk..."

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Old 07-28-2013, 02:14 AM   #1316
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Oops on that misinfo on Snowden . I'd read that he was a young Obama supporter and made a joke out of it . Obviously, with secret ballots, I can't really know who he voted for .

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Old 07-28-2013, 02:22 AM   #1317
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The Zimmerman case taught me a lot because his life is now threatened : I never knew our country had the death penalty for self-defense .

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The trouble with our " jurisprudence " is that we still have the " juris " but not the " prudence " .

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ABC News : Explain to me again how " Stand Your Ground Laws " matter when you are lying on the ground getting your brains beat in ...

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Saying Zimmerman and Martin were in a fist "fight" is like saying Martin Luther King and James Earl Ray were in a gun fight . Isn't Assault and Battery still on the books ?

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If Eric Holder brings Federal civil rights charges against Zimmerman, to try him for the same crime twice ( double jeopardy ), the judge should be Alex Trebeck .
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New rules for neighborhood watch captains :
1) Never report that a black person looks suspicious . And don't be white ( Hispanic counts as white BTW ) .

2) Never follow anyone.

3) Never get out of your car .

4) Never carry a gun .

5) Don't call the police more that 2 times in a one year period .

6) Never use foul language .

7) Better to be judged by twelve ( make that SIX ) ...

8) Never interfere with burglars . Lawyers can steal a million dollars quicker from your Home Owners' Association .
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George Zimmerman is going to change his name to Ben Ghazi . Then Obama and the left-stream media will never mention him again .

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Old 07-28-2013, 11:32 PM   #1318
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A sweet grandmother type woman telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is
it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"


The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news. Her nurse just
told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her
Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good News."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said,"No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me ****."

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Old 07-29-2013, 05:30 PM   #1319
I want either less corruption or more opportunity to participate in it.
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A guy is walking along a Florida beach when he comes across a lamp lying in the sand.
He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish.

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever."
"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."
"OK, I want to die after the Democrats balance the budget and eliminate all our debt.
Replied the genie........'You crafty little bastard.'

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Old 07-30-2013, 04:28 PM   #1320
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A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light.
The driver is a real bastard, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist
instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual
orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower
right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to
The 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and
when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know
what it stands for.

The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're
an azzhole!"

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record
with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a
reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"

Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and
mine, same number at the top."

Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket
you don't normally make?"

"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH,"
underlined."

"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"

"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."

"Aggressive and hostile?"

"Yes, Sir.

"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for azzhole?"

Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.

~~~~ How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client~~~~

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