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Old 05-16-2013, 08:19 PM   #1261
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Well , been hunting all my young life..!i finally got my first turkey today.!
Yeap.! (Frozen Foods Department ) , Walmart , scarred the crap out of people !
It was awesome , getting old can be fun..!

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Old 05-16-2013, 09:19 PM   #1262
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A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"

The tough old golfer replies,

"No problem, just get that lion out of there."

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Old 05-18-2013, 07:15 AM   #1263
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I was in Ft. Meyers, Florida the other day and I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read, "I miss Chicago."

So, I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires and left a note that read, "I hope this helps."

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Old 05-19-2013, 12:52 AM   #1264
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Irish Alzheimer's
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, "Murphy , I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine & I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion & steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy , I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn 's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn 's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile & said;" After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell, eh ?"

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery ' I remembered where I left me hat."

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Old 05-19-2013, 01:00 AM   #1265
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The teacher asked a question of our class and I was the only one who knew the answer.

What was the question?
Who farted?

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Old 05-19-2013, 06:09 AM   #1266
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humor )

Warning : This 911 tape may be disturbing to some readers ; at least I hope it is .


“ 911 operator. What is your emergency ? “

“ I want to report mass insanity-all over the country . All sorts of people are screaming for universal background checks on gun buyers even though no one knows exactly what that means or what it would cost . It isn’t just gun phobia . Even NRA members and other gun owners are for background checks . The crazy thing is that they all admit that criminals will still be able to get guns . [ inaudible ]

I tell them that the government has no right to run background checks on good citizens but their eyes just glaze over and when I say the checks violate a woman’s right to privacy under the Ninth Amendment , they get a dreamy look in their eyes . Some of them mumble over and over that they have ‘no problem with a background check ‘ . People have lost all ability to reason . Can you send help . I’ll stay on the line . “


“ Keep calm sir . An officer is on the way to confiscate your guns . Thank you for using 911 services . Is there anything else I can assist you with today ? “

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Old 05-19-2013, 11:59 AM   #1267
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Firearmageddon

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Old 05-20-2013, 01:12 AM   #1268
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterMcCool
Firearmageddon
You're right! This whole situation is just a big joke!
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Old 05-20-2013, 02:21 AM   #1269
I used to play keyboards, but now...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winds-of-change View Post
I was in Ft. Meyers, Florida the other day and I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read, "I miss Chicago."

So, I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires and left a note that read, "I hope this helps."
That's OK, but don't be doing that **** when you go visit Cane!
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Old 05-20-2013, 06:41 AM   #1270
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Balota View Post
That's OK, but don't be doing that **** when you go visit Cane!
I doubt Cane is going to have a bumper sticker that says "I miss Chicago". Hahaha.......but if he does........
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