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Old 03-05-2013, 05:57 PM   #1161
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Subject: Me & Leroy...
A guy stopped at a local gas station & after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink.
He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside.
One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole.
While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road.
"I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can into a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.
"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with all this digging and refilling?"
"Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one of the men said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"
"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree, and Leroy here puts the dirt back. Elmer's furlough day is today... so now it's just me an' Leroy.
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Old 03-06-2013, 07:17 AM   #1162
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Default God's Good Humor!!

Today's Short Reading from the Bible... From Genesis:

"And God promised men that good and obedient wives
would be found in all corners of the earth".

Then he made the earth round...

And he laughed and laughed and laughed.



Guess this is a part of GOD's humor.
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Old 03-08-2013, 01:52 AM   #1163
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This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the
way home I stopped at the gas station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde was
filling up her car at the next pump.

She looked at the ammo in the back of my Jeep and said in a very sexy voice,
"I'm a big believer in barter, big boy". "Would you be interested in trading
sex for ammo?"

I thought a few seconds and asked, "what kinda ammo ya got?"
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Old 03-08-2013, 03:51 AM   #1164
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seven View Post
This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the
way home I stopped at the gas station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde was
filling up her car at the next pump.

She looked at the ammo in the back of my Jeep and said in a very sexy voice,
"I'm a big believer in barter, big boy". "Would you be interested in trading
sex for ammo?"

I thought a few seconds and asked, "what kinda ammo ya got?"
I think I've heard that joke 10 times on here...
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Old 03-08-2013, 03:55 AM   #1165
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My bad. Mods feel free to delete it.
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Old 03-08-2013, 03:59 AM   #1166
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seven View Post
My bad. Mods feel free to delete it.
Your cool, just gets old after a while lol
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Old 03-09-2013, 01:18 PM   #1167
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Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole
> relationships.
>
> I hope that life isn't just one big joke, because I don't get it.
>
> 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
>
> Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s a scenic route...
>
> Chicken Little was right.
>
> Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
>
> Two wrongs are only the beginning.
>
> When life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and add some lemons of
> your own.
>
> Stupid? I don't know the meaning of the word!
>
> To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question... or is it?
>
> I had to dump her before she got old enough to figure out what a
> loser I am.
>
> Current death rate: One per person.
>
> For Sale: One parachute. Only used once. Never opened. Small stain.
>
> Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged
> demo.
>
> A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
>
> If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried
> before.
>
> There's an exception to every rule, except this one.
>
> You mean gullible isn't in the dictionary?
>
> Stick to your talent and the cows will be well tended.
>
> What’s a synonym for Thesaurus ?
>
> q: What do you call a smart blonde?
> a: A golden retriever

> Jesus walks into an inn and says to the innkeeper, "Can you put me up
> for the night?"
>
> 1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
> Unique Up On It.
>
> 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
> Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
>
> 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
> They Take The Psycho Path
>
> 4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
> You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
>
> 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
> Dam!
>
> 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
> Polaroids
>
> 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
> A Stick.
>
> 8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
> Nacho Cheese.
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Old 03-09-2013, 02:26 PM   #1168
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 95sniper View Post
I think I've heard that joke 10 times on here...
Still could have been some that missed it and it is a pretty good one!
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Old 03-09-2013, 02:27 PM   #1169
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An elderly couple, who were both widowed for many years, had been dating each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively.

"I would like it infrequently", she replied.

The old gent sat quietly for a moment, thinking. Finally, he leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"
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Old 03-09-2013, 03:17 PM   #1170
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A new commercial

http://www.mrctv.org/sites/default/files/embedcache/119755.html
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