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Old 02-22-2013, 04:31 PM   #1141
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Default hand gliding...

Once upon a time there was this guy who bought a hang glider and took it out to the mountains to fly it. He was cruising along a few hundred feet above the treetops when he spots these two hunters down below. He hollers and waves at them, trying to be sociable. Suddenly the hunters look up and they both fire their double barrel shotguns at him. When the hang glider was out of sight one of the hunters turns to the other and says "What kinda bird you reckon that was?" The other hunter replies "I don't rightly know, but I think we hit it. "How's that?" "You saw how fast he dropped that man he was caring, didn't ya?

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Old 02-24-2013, 04:22 AM   #1142
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How did the fat lady cross the road?
She got hit by a truck........

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Old 02-24-2013, 05:04 AM   #1143
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It's gone

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Oh dern....


Revelation 19:11

And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.

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Old 02-24-2013, 05:56 AM   #1144
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I shall assume those names to now be sinful.....sorry great word stealing gods. I shalln't offend thee by uttering them.


(Said sarcastically and ment as joke)

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Old 02-24-2013, 12:28 PM   #1145
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How did the fat lady cross the road?
She got hit by a truck........

She Rolled??? LOL
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Old 02-24-2013, 01:45 PM   #1146
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Default Homesick snowbird

I was in Ft. Myers, Florida the other day and I saw a bumper sticker on

a parked car that read, "I miss Chicago."



So, I broke one of the windows, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires and left a note that read, "I hope this helps!"

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Old 02-24-2013, 01:55 PM   #1147
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Default Ammo is getting hard to find!!!

Ammunition is getting really hard to find, but this morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo for my three rifles. On the way home I stopped at the gas station and this drop-dead gorgeous blonde was filling up her car at the next pump.


She looked at the ammo in the back of my car and said in a very sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, big boy. Would you be interested in a trading sex for ammo?"

I thought it over for a few seconds and responded, "Well, what kind of ammo have you got to trade?"

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Old 02-24-2013, 10:21 PM   #1148
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1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory....
I don't remember which I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and
'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Question: What's an Australian kiss?
Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!

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Old 02-24-2013, 10:38 PM   #1149
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My wife wants a larger bust, but implants are so expensive. I told her to rub toilet paper between her breasts for a while. It worked on her ass.

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Old 02-24-2013, 10:39 PM   #1150
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My wife wants a larger bust, but implants are so expensive. I told her to rub toilet paper between her breasts for a while. It worked on her ass.
And then you regretted teaching her how too shoot!
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