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Old 01-27-2013, 01:55 AM   #1121
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EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY





After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. So, how is everything going? inquired God.

It is all so beautiful, God, she replied. The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It's these 3 breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more symmetrically balanced .

That's a fair point, replied God, But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.


Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?

Just fantastic, she replied, But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.

God thought for a moment and said, You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless boob?



Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?

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Old 01-29-2013, 06:59 PM   #1122
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There has been some discussion in the news lately about there being many churches in the South, the "Bible Belt", closing their doors due to diminishing attendance and insufficient income. A TV reporter in Atlanta was interviewing people on the street about that, and she asked one nice lady how the closing of churches throughout the South was affecting her. She thought about it a minute, then said, "Oh, we doesn't go to no Churches no mo'. "We gits all our chickin at BoJangles".

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Old 01-29-2013, 07:16 PM   #1123
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An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a
prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, "That's no problem. How many
do you want?"
The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces."
The doctor said, "That won't do you any good."
The elderly gentleman said, "That's all right. I don't need them for
sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far
enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

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Old 01-29-2013, 07:17 PM   #1124
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A boss said to his secretary;i want
to have SEX with you, I'll make it very FAST.
I'll throw $1000 on the floor,by the time you bend down to
pick it I'll be done.

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend & told him the story.

Her boyfriend then said to her.do it but ask him for $2000,pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have time to undress
himself.
So she agrees.

Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call his girlfriend.

He asks,what happened?
She responds "the BASTARD used COINS,

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Old 01-30-2013, 11:24 PM   #1125
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Default Hitler and the Pmag Shortage.

Pretty funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=IEHMZZdSjCg#!

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Old 02-05-2013, 07:41 PM   #1126
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.............
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Old 02-06-2013, 05:11 PM   #1127
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A Tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco . While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat.

It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat ?"

"Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story," said the wise old Chinaman.

The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story".

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.

A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.

Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay .

Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him
faster and faster.

Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.

Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown .

"Ahhh," said the owner, "You come back for story ?"

"No sir," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Gun Grabber.

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Old 02-07-2013, 05:14 PM   #1128
I want either less corruption or more opportunity to participate in it.
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Default Caution - This link may cause dain bramage

http://youtu.be/vdX_OBUeHb4

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Old 02-09-2013, 12:10 AM   #1129
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http://youtu.be/FR3ChDXCv0I
This is meant for the sole purpose of tickling the funny bone. I mean no harm. Enjoy !

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Old 02-09-2013, 02:29 PM   #1130
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BEST JOKE OF 2013
(so far)

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.

The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies, " Since Obama took over , the country’s gone to hell, so it's a local call." ~( :

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