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Old 01-18-2013, 11:36 AM   #1101
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We recently spent $2500 on a young Black Angus bull. We put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to suspect he was gay, if that's possible with a bull.

Anyhow, I had the Vet come have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possible a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.

Holy crap. The bull started to service the cows within two days. All of my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred all my neighbor's

cows! He's been breeding just about everything in sight. He's like a machine!

I don't know what in hell was in the pills the Vet gave him, but they kinda taste like peppermint.
I don't get it
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Old 01-18-2013, 12:29 PM   #1102
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daoust_Nat
We recently spent $2500 on a young Black Angus bull. We put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to suspect he was gay, if that's possible with a bull.

Anyhow, I had the Vet come have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possible a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.

Holy crap. The bull started to service the cows within two days. All of my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred all my neighbor's

cows! He's been breeding just about everything in sight. He's like a machine!

I don't know what in hell was in the pills the Vet gave him, but they kinda taste like peppermint.
Lmao! Good one!
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Old 01-19-2013, 12:50 AM   #1103
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On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week or so later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

A few days later they were again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowploughs can get through?"

Then with the love and understanding that all long-married husbands possess, he replied, "Why don't you just leave the f#*@ing car in the garage this time?"
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Old 01-19-2013, 01:27 PM   #1104
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Originally Posted by Daoust_Nat View Post
We recently spent $2500 on a young Black Angus bull. We put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to suspect he was gay, if that's possible with a bull.

Anyhow, I had the Vet come have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possible a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.

Holy crap. The bull started to service the cows within two days. All of my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred all my neighbor's

cows! He's been breeding just about everything in sight. He's like a machine!

I don't know what in hell was in the pills the Vet gave him, but they kinda taste like peppermint.
This is one of the best jokes i've heard for quite some time lol,thanks for posting!

I pasted and copied the joke to share with my Facebook friends,everybody had quite a chuckle hahaha...Later one of my friends liked it so much he posted the joke on his wall in this version.

Joke Forum? - The Club House
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Old 01-19-2013, 02:37 PM   #1105
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A guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box.

He took the box home, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar with him.

So he asked the centipede,"Would you like to go to the bar with me today? " But there was no answer. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going
to the bar with me and have a beer?"

But again, there was no answer. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. The guy decided to invite the centipede one
last time.This time he put his face up against the centipede's box and shouted, "Hey, in there!

Would you like to go to the bar for a beer?"

This time, a tiny little voice came out of the box .........."I heard you the first time!

I'm putting my damn shoes on!"
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Old 01-20-2013, 12:49 PM   #1106
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Three guys were trying to get a job with the FBI, two city boys, and one old country boy. They were all interviewed and told to come back the next day, but to also bring their wives.

So the next day they all arrived, wives in tow. They got the first city guy, handed him a pistol and told him to take his wife into the next room and kill her, to show his loyalty to the FBI. He walked her in the room, fifteen minutes later he came out crying and said, "I can't do it, I love her!", they told him to leave.

The next city boy, they told him the same thing. He walked his wife in the room, stayed about thirty minutes, came out and he said, "I can't, I love her to much!", they told him to leave.

Then they told the old country boy to do the same thing, take his wife in the room and kill her to show his loyalty to the FBI. They walked it the room, door shut, then BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! Then an awful commotion, then silence. Then the country boy walked out, nose bleeding, eyes blacked and outta breath. They asked, "what happened?", he said, "y'all could've told me that gun had blanks in it, hell, I had to choke her to death!"
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Old 01-24-2013, 12:56 AM   #1107
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Why Italian fathers and grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside: Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome-plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But Grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful-a wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a coupla bambini."

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man."

"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'time's up'??"
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Old 01-24-2013, 03:59 AM   #1108
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Default Thanks to you!!!



Thanks to you






As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ...

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet..

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY…
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Old 01-24-2013, 04:08 AM   #1109
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Brrrr , it's cold..! My out door thermometer says 4 Fahrenheit , 1 Celsius...so's
It's 5 right.......!

So cold my out door thermometer just bitch slapped me so's I hung it up-side down to make it think it's gittin warmer...!

Alfa male , they don't call me nothin for nothin..!
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Old 01-24-2013, 04:13 AM   #1110
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Yo RiverRat68 , that ain't chicken , it's "Monsanto" Schwartzinegger , Schwartsanager , Shwartsinegger ,..........****** pigeon..! Ack
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