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Old 01-03-2013, 01:19 PM   #1071
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Two mountain bred GIs were wandering the streets of Calcutta when an old woman walked by. "Hey, Billy Joe," one said, "I think that's Mother Teresa." "Your nuts." "I'm telling you." They approached the woman and one asked, "Are you Mother Teresa?" The old lady eyed them scornfully. "Piss off, you damn perverts," she hissed, striding off. "Jeez," Billy Joe said, watching her disappear into the crowd, "now we'll never know."

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Old 01-05-2013, 09:25 PM   #1072
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A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Kathleen, soon we will be married 30 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Kathleen replied, "Well Gerry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 30 years, but always for a good reason."

Gerry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never uspected.
Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons'?"

Kathleen said, "The very first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

Gerry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that.
You saved our home, but what about the second time?" Gerry asked,

"And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

"I recall that," says Gerry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."

"All right," Kathleen said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"


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Old 01-08-2013, 02:30 AM   #1073
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When the breathalyzer doesn't work

http://video.staged.com/preacher/alcohol_test

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Old 01-08-2013, 03:56 AM   #1074
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*Yawn* Anodder day at verk, jah?

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Old 01-08-2013, 09:46 AM   #1075
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Guy comes in to doctor. Iii have this stuuuuter and caaaaan't mmmmmeeeet womeeeeen he says. Doc examines him and says there's the problem -- you have the biggest male member I've ever seen. It's huge. Gigantic! It'll have to be removed. The patient is shocked.

I caaaaan't do ttthhhat he says. Whatttt'lllll becommmme of mmmeee!? Don't worry the doc says, we can remove and attach them easily these days -- you'll be fine and won't stutter anymore. The patient agrees.

He is a great, romantic, guy and dates lots and lots of women but can never keep a relationship because he can't be intimate, so, he goes back to the doctor. Doc, he says, I need you to reattach my private parts.

"G-g-go ssscrew yyyourssself" the doctor replies!

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Old 01-08-2013, 07:38 PM   #1076
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Three guys are driving in the desert. Their jeep breaks down and leaves them stranded in the middle of nowhere. They decide they have no choice but to leave the car and head out in search of civilization.

The first guy grabs a couple of canteens and fills them with the water they have. "Just in case we get thirsty while we're out here" he says.

The second guy grabs a backpack and stuffs it full of the food they had brought in the jeep. "Just in case we get hungry while we're walking around aimlessly" he says.

The third guy decides to follow suit and walks up to the jeep. He opens the door and rips it off of its hinges.

"What the heck did you do that for?!" asks guy one.

He replies, "In case it gets hot, we can roll the window down."

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Old 01-08-2013, 10:32 PM   #1077
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On this morning a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow that is one ugly baby."
The woman deeply hurt just continued on the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asks "What's wrong you look mad?"
She replied "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."
"You shouldn't take that from him." the man replied. "He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take down his badge number and report him.
"You're right sir I think I will report him."
The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number. I'll hold your monkey for you."

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Old 01-08-2013, 11:49 PM   #1078
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Quote:
Originally Posted by capto56 View Post
Three guys are driving in the desert. Their jeep breaks down and leaves them stranded in the middle of nowhere. They decide they have no choice but to leave the car and head out in search of civilization.

The first guy grabs a couple of canteens and fills them with the water they have. "Just in case we get thirsty while we're out here" he says.

The second guy grabs a backpack and stuffs it full of the food they had brought in the jeep. "Just in case we get hungry while we're walking around aimlessly" he says.

The third guy decides to follow suit and walks up to the jeep. He opens the door and rips it off of its hinges.

"What the heck did you do that for?!" asks guy one.

He replies, "In case it gets hot, we can roll the window down."
THAT, my fine friend, is an Aggie
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:05 PM   #1079
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That reminds me of some stuff from the 1970's:

What's brown and crispy and stuck to the ceiling?
An Aggie electrician.

How many Aggie's does it take to eat an armadillo?
Two - one to do the eating, and one to watch for cars.

How many Aggie's does it take to change a light bulb?
Five - one to hold the bulb and four to rotate the house.

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Old 01-09-2013, 01:48 PM   #1080
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AIKIJUTSU
That reminds me of some stuff from the 1970's:

What's brown and crispy and stuck to the ceiling?
An Aggie electrician.

How many Aggie's does it take to eat an armadillo?
Two - one to do the eating, and one to watch for cars.

How many Aggie's does it take to change a light bulb?
Five - one to hold the bulb and four to rotate the house.
Too young. What's an aggie?
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