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Old 12-24-2012, 03:55 PM   #1061
That didn't last long... Flyers during Shero's era!
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Originally Posted by willshoum View Post
How many years did it take, for the......... to take over the white house, and destroy the U.S.A...........
Who said he's done destroying it?
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Old 12-24-2012, 04:17 PM   #1062
That didn't last long... Flyers during Shero's era!
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Originally Posted by winds-of-change View Post
M&M's?! I thought those candies were called W&W's.
Then that makes it easy, just put the M&Ms before the W&Ws!!! (Now how do you figure out which way to turn the ones that are sideways???)
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"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of the United States
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Old 12-24-2012, 04:35 PM   #1063
That didn't last long... Flyers during Shero's era!
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This may upset some folks if true
Whew, we made it!
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Old 12-24-2012, 04:56 PM   #1064
That didn't last long... Flyers during Shero's era!
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Originally Posted by fireguy View Post
A redneck was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.

"Twenty dollars", she whispers.
Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the heck, it's
only twenty bucks, so they hide in the bushes.

They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on
them. It's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?", asks the officer.

"I'm making love to my wife!", Bubba answers sounding annoyed.

"Oh, I'm sorry", says the cop, "I didn't know."
Bubba says, "Well, neither did I, till ya shined that light in her face."
And that's when the fight started!
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"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of the United States
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Old 12-24-2012, 04:58 PM   #1065
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Did she keep the 20 bucks?
That reminds me of the first black eye and broken nose I got in my first marriage. I called my wife a 2-bit whore, and she hit me with a bag of quarters.

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Old 12-24-2012, 05:37 PM   #1066
That didn't last long... Flyers during Shero's era!
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Originally Posted by mudpupp View Post
One sunny day in January, 2013, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where he'd been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer President and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.The following day the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer President and no longer resides here."

The man thanked him and again just walked away.The third day the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama.

I've told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir
Damn, Gonna be another 4 years before we can laugh at this one...
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Old 12-24-2012, 07:27 PM   #1067
That didn't last long... Flyers during Shero's era!
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Originally Posted by Daoust_Nat View Post
A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal and an anti-hunter , purchased a piece of timberland near Colville , WA .

There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.
The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.

The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"

He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a waste treatment facility. I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down."
Three engineers were busy draining three pitchers of beer and having a debate on what kind of engineer God was.

The mechanical engineer said, "Look at how God was able to make even a bumble bee fly. We still don't know how he did that. He must have been the best mechanical engineer ever!"

The electrical engineer said, "No, look at how God was able to make all the synapses in the human brain work together so we could even lift these beer glasses, much less have this debate. He must have been the best electrical engineer ever!"

The environmental engineer said, "Well, he sure wasn't an environmental engineer. First thing we learn is that you can't run a hazardous waste pipeline through a recreational area. And look at how he designed men and women..."
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"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of the United States
Practice does NOT make perfect. Practice makes permanent. Only perfect practice makes perfect.

Check out 3rd FTF Shoot & Hoot.http://www.firearmstalk.com/forums/f138/3rd-ftf-shotgun-shoot-hoot-vanzant-mo-apr-12-13-2014-a-98426


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Old 12-27-2012, 12:25 PM   #1068
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The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.

The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.

"Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors.... snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side... Then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the
examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.

The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"

The doctor replied; "I just cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots...."

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Old 01-01-2013, 02:41 PM   #1069
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CATHOLIC CONFESSION

'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last
confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month.'

The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say
three Hail Mary's.'

Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional .
'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex
with Nookie Green twice a week for the past two months.'

This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Nookie Green?'

'A new woman in the neighborhood ,' the sinner replied.

'Very well,' sighed the priest. 'Go and say ten Hail Mary's.'

At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the
sermon, a tall, voluptuous , drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered
the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she
slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her
dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green
shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green
dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart,
but just enough to reveal that she wasn't wearing any underwear.

The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that
Nookie Green?'

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply,....'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes.

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Old 01-03-2013, 01:17 PM   #1070
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A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. 'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?'

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!'

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height, please?'

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, 'Five foot two!'

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. 'And uhh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?'

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, 'Mandy!'

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, 'Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?'

'Ohh that!', replies the blonde, 'That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....''

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