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Old 11-02-2012, 06:52 PM   #1021
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New cocktail, the Hurricane Sandy.



It's a Manhattan- with a lot of water.

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Old 11-03-2012, 08:18 AM   #1022
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Quote:
Originally Posted by c3shooter
New cocktail, the Hurricane Sandy.

It's a Manhattan- with a lot of water.
Better be less than 16 ounces - Lol
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Old 11-08-2012, 08:36 PM   #1023
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I was at the store late the other night and I was really tired. I may
even have been the last customer before the place closed.

Cute girl at the register said , "Strip Down, Facing Me"

It didn't dawn on me that she was talking about the swiping of my Debit
Card.

The Good news is, Bail is not nearly as expensive as I thought it would be.
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Old 11-08-2012, 08:38 PM   #1024
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An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being
wined and dined by the State Department.

The diplomat was not used to the salt in American foods (French fries,
cheeses, salami, anchovies, etc.) and was constantly sending his
manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.


Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of
water, but then came the time when he returned empty handed.


"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the diplomat.


"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul.
"But a man is sitting on the well!"

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Old 11-08-2012, 08:40 PM   #1025
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Default A Thank You from the Obama relection committee...

> نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و
> نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست ننور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيستنقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت سايهپيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه پيدانيست ننور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نميدان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايهدگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست ننور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش
>
> ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت سايه پيدانيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه پيدانيست ننور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيستنور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشمخير ه م نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوارو چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست ننور اگر رفتسايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفتسايه. ر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نوراگر رفت سايه پيدا
>
> نيست ننور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نميدان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايهدگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست ننور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار وچشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقشديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست ننور اگررفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفتسايه. ر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نوراگر رفت
>
> سايه پيدا نيست ننور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايهدگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت سايه پيدا نيس نقش ديوار و چشم خيره مانقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست ننور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيستنقش ديوار و چشم خ يره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت سايهپيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه پيدانيست ننور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نميدان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايهدگر نمي دان نور
>
> اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست ننور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره مانقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشمخيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست ننور اگر رفت سايه پيدانيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفتسايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفتسايه پيدا نيست ننور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايهدگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره مانقش سايه دگر نمي
>
> دان نور اگر رفت ساي پيدا نيست ن نور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشمخيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوارو چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر
>
> If I hear more, I'll let you know.

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Old 11-08-2012, 11:04 PM   #1026
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I got caught having a piss in the local swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.

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Old 11-08-2012, 11:39 PM   #1027
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tri70
>
> If I hear more, I'll let you know.
I plugged that into a translator. It said "error".
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Old 11-09-2012, 12:05 AM   #1028
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trip286 View Post
I plugged that into a translator. It said "error".
His re-election was an error.!
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Old 11-09-2012, 12:57 AM   #1029
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BEAR REMOVAL SERVICE
A man out in the country east of Tampa woke up one morning to find a bear on his roof.

So he looked in the Yellow Pages, and sure enough, there was an ad for
"Florida Bear Removers." He called the number listed, and the bear
remover said he'd be over in a few minutes.

The bear remover arrived, and got out of his van. He had a ladder, a
baseball bat, a 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean-looking, heavily scarred old
pit bull.

"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asked.

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to
go up there, and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear
falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles, and not let go. The
bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the
back of the van."

He then handed the shotgun to the homeowner.


"What's the shotgun for?" the homeowner asked.

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, you shoot the dog."
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Old 11-15-2012, 11:49 PM   #1030
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On January 9th, a group of Pekin, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge .
So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"


She says, "I'm going to commit suicide."

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After they finished, George gets approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

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