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07-24-2009, 06:03 PM
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#1
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For Jack Bauer fans
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
It's no use crying over spilt milk ... unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh, you are so screwed.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with violence.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, do not count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.
What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.
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07-24-2009, 06:17 PM
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#2
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Location: Tornado "Just Blow Me" Alley,Oklahoma U.S.A.
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Great post NGIB! And that right there my friends, is why Jack is my hero, Chuck Norris can "suck it!" 
Sorry Benning. 
__________________
Jack
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ!
"There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter." - Hemingway
“The greatest ignorance is to reject something you know nothing about.”
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07-24-2009, 06:29 PM
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#3
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Season 4 was the best IMHO, with season 3 coming in a close second. This season was a lot better than the past few though.
Seriously, if Jack & Chuck were ever even in the same state, it would generate some type of nuclear reaction or something...
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07-24-2009, 06:30 PM
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#4
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Location: everywhere
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Mean, mean man. 
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07-24-2009, 07:16 PM
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#5
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Location: I see you, and you will not know when I will strike
Posts: 24,301
Liked 3452 Times on 1597 Posts
Likes Given: 3590
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IGETEVEN
Chuck Norris can "suck it!" |
Congratulations!! You have just won a no expenses paid trip to the emergency room with 2 crushed clavicles, a broken sternum, compound fracture of your pelvis, spiral fractures in both femurs and a pair testicles lodged in your throat.
You will now officially be the biggest shi'ite talker in ICU.... 
JD
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07-24-2009, 07:24 PM
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#6
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Location: Tornado "Just Blow Me" Alley,Oklahoma U.S.A.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dillinger
Congratulations!! You have just won a no expenses paid trip to the emergency room with 2 crushed clavicles, a broken sternum, compound fracture of your pelvis, spiral fractures in both femurs and a pair testicles lodged in your throat.
You will now officially be the biggest shi'ite talker in ICU....
JD |
Hell, JD you will have to do better than that, I was hurt worse than that in one of my chopper crashes, except no testicles lodged in the throat part.
Jack
__________________
Jack
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ!
"There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter." - Hemingway
“The greatest ignorance is to reject something you know nothing about.”
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07-24-2009, 07:30 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: I see you, and you will not know when I will strike
Posts: 24,301
Liked 3452 Times on 1597 Posts
Likes Given: 3590
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dillinger
Congratulations!! You have just won a no expenses paid trip to the emergency room with 2 crushed clavicles, a broken sternum, compound fracture of your pelvis, spiral fractures in both femurs and a pair testicles lodged in your throat.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IGETEVEN
Hell, JD you will have to do better than that, I was hurt worse than that in one of my chopper crashes, except no testicles lodged in the throat part.
Jack |
Highlighted for clarity.
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07-24-2009, 07:42 PM
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#8
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 4,754
Liked 8 Times on 6 Posts
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Last edited by Jo da Plumbr; 07-24-2009 at 07:46 PM.
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07-24-2009, 07:45 PM
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#9
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tornado "Just Blow Me" Alley,Oklahoma U.S.A.
Posts: 8,424
Liked 21 Times on 16 Posts
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dillinger
Highlighted for clarity. |
Who do I thank for this, the last no expenses paid trip I ever won, I ended up with a time share property in Branson, MO. 
Jack
__________________
Jack
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ!
"There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter." - Hemingway
“The greatest ignorance is to reject something you know nothing about.”
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07-24-2009, 07:46 PM
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#10
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 7,152
Liked 16 Times on 7 Posts
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo da Plumbr
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Hell, what isn't a fairy tale anymore on TV. Seriously, the best way to watch it is on DVD anyway. You just can't argue with the conviction of a man that tortures his own brother to death and kills his own father. Besides, Jack's daughter is SERIOUSLY hot. Rent season 4 and I doubt you'll be disappointed...
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