Originally Posted by JWIII
I'm not married, but my girlfriend and I do live together... I never tell her the truth about how much I spend for my firearms. When I brought home the S&W M&P15T, she asked how much was it; I told her is was $120.00. LOL. I'd never hear the end of it if she knew the truth.
Oh, please cruel fate, make them stop! I can't take anymore - honest! This thread has me, literally, rolling on the floor laughing! 'I never tell her the truth!' 'I told her $120.00 bucks; and, she believed me!' You guys are cracking me up.
True story: My wife and I had been together for about 6 months. I wanted a new Sako 30-06. I'd had a good month, so I stopped off at Edelman's Sporting Goods after work and bought that 06!
When I got home, I was dragging my new long cardboard box up the stairs when my wife suddenly appeared! She was beautifully and provocatively dressed in a nice halter top and short shorts. I thought to myself; 'Life is good!' Then I saw the tears in her eyes. I asked what was wrong; but, she only shook her head. Naturally, I thought the worst and that her mother had died! Then, all of a sudden, she hissed at me; 'Now I know what you're really like!' I said; 'Say, what?'
She replied; 'My mother is right; all you men are just the same!' 'You only think of yourselves!' When I protested; 'What, the Hell, is the matter with you?' she replied; 'Do you know what today is?' I said; 'Yeah, it's the 3rd.' (I knew because I'd just filled out all the state paperwork for my new Sako rifle.) She, then, tells me; 'It's my birthday; and YOU forgot!'
Not missing a beat I replied; 'What!' 'Me, forget?' 'Darling!' 'Angel, I've got your new birthday present, right here, under my arm!' Wow, what a Kodak moment! I wish you could have seen the totally puzzled look on her beautiful face! She was completely at a loss; all the wind was taken out of her; and, she answered; 'Really?' I nodded my head in ascent and replied; 'Of course, Darling!'
So, she backed up, seemed very deflated, and let me come into the house. When I got to the dining room table and put that large box down she seemed quite apprehensive. She asked; 'What is it?' With my best stage face on, I opened the lid of the box with a flourish and said; 'Your own brand new 30-06 Sako rifle complete with a deluxe Leupold 3 x 9 scope!'
'A what!' she said. 'What am I supposed to do with it?' (I repeated myself with a look of fearful rejection on my face.) I immediately followed-up with; 'Well, do you like it?' She went utterly silent on me, and was, kind of, watching me out of the corner of her eye! After a long pause she asked; 'What's it for?' (This is where I had to be real careful!) I replied; 'Well, you know how you're always saying that I spend too much time at the range?' 'Now, you can come with me; and, you'll have your own rifle to shoot!'
More silence followed. I repeated my far-fetched spiel and waited. She finally said; 'Yeah, I think it's all right; but, it's sooo .... large!' 'I'm just a girl; and, I'm not sure what to do with it!' I smiled back at her and said; 'I know; but that's just me, Hun; and you love me - right!' I got dinner that night and slept in my own bed; but, for the next 33 years she never once tried to fire that rifle. Whenever we were at the range together, I'd offer the Sako to her; she'd watch me shoot it for awhile; then, she'd shake her head, strongly decline, and leave me alone to enjoy myself with the far targets.
It, also, took about 33 years for her to finally say to me; 'My mother is wrong; all men aren't alike!' Eventually I felt so ashamed that, one day, I confessed I'd lied to her about the 30-06 and had, in fact, forgotten her first birthday with me. She replied that she already knew; but, had decided to let it go rather than destroy our friendship so early on. As the years passed our relationship has matured to the point where I could bring home all the firearms I wanted.
The only thing she's never been willing to let me have is another woman; but, truthfully, I've never really wanted one of those things anyway. New guns are a lot cheaper to keep; don't require as much high maintenance; and, you never have to tell them that you love them or remember their birthdays!
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot: You have to remember other things like anniversaries, too. Don't forget your anniversary! Mine's every June 16th. Wait, I meant to say July - It's July! (I always get those two months confused.)