i need some good advice.
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Old 08-30-2012, 01:11 PM   #1
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Hey everyone. As the title states i need some solid advice. Im not sure if this is a good place to post this but everyone on here is so nice and accomdating that i guess its worth a shot. Im 29 years old and have been married for 5 years. We have a 4 year old daughter who is the light of my life. Lately my father (whom i work with everyday) has been asking if he and his girlfriend can watch my daughter. My wife and i arent comfortable with it because they drink almost everyday. My dad functions at work and only drinks after work but he constantly drinks and drives. He did it with me as a child and i realize that its wrong. My problem is this, im afraid of him. He is a very large and intimidating man. Ive always been afraid of him and have never really talked to him about anything like this. Its causing serious stress for me and in my marriage. I dont know how to tell him without it starting a war. I just dont know what to do. My wife said she would tell him but i think it should come from me. Anyone with a similar situation? Please weigh in with your thoughts. Thank you.

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Old 08-30-2012, 01:20 PM   #2
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Time to put on the big boy britches, son- and man up.

He might be your Daddy, but YOU are the Daddy of that little girl. Your function in life is to see she does not get hurt- and you realize THAT is in conflict with your Dad caring for the little girl.

Having your lady tell him that does not make it better. Is he going to like it? Oh HELL no. But frankly, that is HIS problem, not yours, YOUR problem is to care for your child.

No, not going to be easy. I finished all the easy stuff in my life years ago. Working on the hard stuff.

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Old 08-30-2012, 01:23 PM   #3
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I know. I feel like a coward. The fact that we work together only makes it harder. Why is life so damn complicated

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Old 08-30-2012, 01:26 PM   #4
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He loves my daughter to death as well and she loves seeing him. Both my father and his girlfriend drink and he has an inground pool with no cover on it. This sucks.

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Old 08-30-2012, 01:41 PM   #5
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He loves my daughter to death as well and she loves seeing him. Both my father and his girlfriend drink and he has an inground pool with no cover on it. This sucks.
Rurak, C3 is exactly correct. that little girl is your total responsibilty, your father is an adult and isn't. her welfare is more important than your fathers wounded ego. just because he loves his granddaughter and you, doesn't make him responsible enough to take care of her if he drinks and drives.

as C3 said, you need to man up and tell him in a very calm, but firm way, what your feelings are and your concerns. telling him this may piss him off, so be it. your concern is the welfare of your daughter. hearing this from you may give him reason to stop drinking.
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Old 08-30-2012, 01:42 PM   #6
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Pretty much what c3 said. What is he gonna do when you say "no, not unless you sober up"? Even if you work for him, get another job if you have to. He sounds controlling. This is another rung in the ladder of life. When the smoke clears, he should respect you more if he knows the meaning of the word.
I have remind my father occasionally that I am grown up, when he settles down he knows I'm right, whether he says it out loud or not.

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Old 08-30-2012, 01:43 PM   #7
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I know. I feel like a coward. The fact that we work together only makes it harder. Why is life so damn complicated
Rurak, if life were easy, it would be boring! i thrive on complicated!
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Old 08-30-2012, 02:08 PM   #8
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Hes the kind of guy that will hold a grudge forever ....... he thinks he doesnt have a problem

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Old 08-30-2012, 02:31 PM   #9
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Hes the kind of guy that will hold a grudge forever ....... he thinks he doesnt have a problem
Even more reason to not let him care for your daughter. I have a 5 year old girl and 4 year old boy. I am very hesitant to let anyone watch them, let alone someone who has a drinking problem. You have good reason to be concerned, if you father cannot respect your concern for her well being then he does not deserve to watch her. It's tough situation that you are in, I do not envy it, but I think you know what needs to be done.
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Old 08-30-2012, 02:44 PM   #10
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I do know. I usually run from these things but i cant keep that up. I still feel like a scared little.boy......

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