My condolences to you and your family. I lost my nephew a few years ago so I know what you're going through. You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.
If I have to explain why I ride, you wouldn't understand. Explaining sex to an alien would be easier than explaining the feeling, one that boils all that is going on in your life down to what really matters each time you are in The Wind. All I can say is, Life is not Life without it.