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Old 04-16-2012, 07:21 PM   #21
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Cancer free for 3 1/2 years now!!

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Old 04-16-2012, 07:22 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CGO
Cancer free for 3 1/2 years now!!
That's awesome congrats
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Old 04-16-2012, 07:27 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by c3shooter
To my (much) younger brother-

First, my prayers for you and your family- prayers for strength and peace.

Second, Women tell us things, not understanding from a GUY standpoint, WE think they are asking us to fix what is wrong. Sometimes they are, but a lot of the time, they want to TELL us what is going on. Learn to sit, open ears, close mouth except to say "Yeah. Uh-huh. " and maybe some assorted "Ummm's and Ahhhs". Let her talk.

Third, there are stages that people go thru when told that they have a serious illness, or are dying. They include disbelief, denial, fear, anger, bargaining, grief, and acceptance. All except the last are in no particular order. Know this and expect them.

If your wife has confidence in her doc, great. If not, find one she does. Be aware that there are lowlife scum that prey upon folks in your wife's condition. They are charlatans that offer hope, but interfere with legit medical care. If you ever hear something like "Reverend Montesque and Sister Maria are so wonderful- they told me I need to quit taking that medicine, and buy their special magnetic wands to draw out the sickness." you will know you have encountered them. Give us a shout- we'll help you move the bodies.

Men and women both may react to a problem with their reproductive organs by feeling they are less of a man- or woman. Talk to any guy that has had prostate cancer. Be sure to tell her you love her, that she is pretty, she is sexy, she is cute. Yeah, she knows that- but she may need to HEAR it. Often.

The path you will be taking has had many earlier travelers. Be sure to talk to them, and get some idea of what is ahead. Yes, referring to support groups. Some of us guys get stupid, decide a real man does not need that sort of thing. Wrong. Even a great infantry commander reads the maps, and listens to the scouts.

And you are going to need someone to vent to- when YOU get mad- when YOU feel neglected, abused, ignored. It can be your priest, a good friend, or any of us here. Do not make it your bartender, or that SO sympathetic divorcée that works with you.

Please understand that this advice comes from someone that is trying his best to care for a wife with a fatal, untreatable illness. It is not easy. It IS part of being a husband.
My prayers and respect to you sir!
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Old 04-16-2012, 07:27 PM   #24
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My thoughts, well wishes and prayers for your family

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Old 04-16-2012, 08:04 PM   #25
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When we lost our son one of the first things our pastor told us was the loss of a child way too often results in a divorce. He went on to explain why that happens.

Just like C3 stated, there are stages that the human condition goes thru when faced with a devastating life experience. The important thing to understand is that we deal with each stage in both varying order and length of time to resolve.

There is no chance that any given couple will follow the exact same process or complete the journey at the same moment. This is where intellect must triumph over emotion and understand that what you are feeling/dealing with at any given time is not what your spouse is dealing with.

Knowing that, and helping your mate get through the crisis before her is paramount. Deal with your issues later, this is when she needs you as a team member, not someone that needs one ounce of her energy to resolve your problem.

You have a great "family" here at FTF. Use us! Treat her with kid gloves and come here to vent. We're tough and can take it. This will allow you to scrub-off some frustration and when your blood pressure comes down we'll kick you back in-bounds and tell you to play nice!



Knee-mail inbound.

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Old 04-16-2012, 09:27 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by canebrake
When we lost our son one of the first things our pastor told us was the loss of a child way too often results in a divorce. He went on to explain why that happens.

Just like C3 stated, there are stages that the human condition goes thru when faced with a devastating life experience. The important thing to understand is that we deal with each stage in both varying order and length of time to resolve.

There is no chance that any given couple will follow the exact same process or complete the journey at the same moment. This is where intellect must triumph over emotion and understand that what you are feeling/dealing with at any given time is not what your spouse is dealing with.

Knowing that, and helping your mate get through the crisis before her is paramount. Deal with your issues later, this is when she needs you as a team member, not someone that needs one ounce of her energy to resolve your problem.

You have a great "family" here at FTF. Use us! Treat her with kid gloves and come here to vent. We're tough and can take it. This will allow you to scrub-off some frustration and when your blood pressure comes down we'll kick you back in-bounds and tell you to play nice!

Knee-mail inbound.
Thanks for the advice and that last paragraph actually made me crack a smile lol
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Old 04-16-2012, 10:01 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by akers06

Thanks for the advice and that last paragraph actually made me crack a smile lol
I make a really good target. Please fire away. Anything we can do.
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Old 04-16-2012, 10:14 PM   #28
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Be there for her! She's upset already I'm sure, and she'll be even more upset later I'm sure.

I'm going through a rough patch myself, a divorce which I thought would never happen. Someone already mentioned relying on the FTF family, which is something I haven't done enough of most recently. These folks are a GREAT community and very supportive, take it from someone who knows. Rely on your friends. And I'll tell you now, these people here are some of the best you'll find.

You will have a hard time dealing with this. Don't let her know your having a tough time. Be HER rock FOR HER. You bring your troubles to us. Ventilate here, never in front of her.

Good luck. I'll get the prayer tree going in my hometown. You'll have most of Mississippi behind you in couple of hours.

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Old 04-16-2012, 10:57 PM   #29
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Akers06,

C3 said most of what I wanted to, and if needed, I'll be on the "hide the bodies" crew!

Seriously, your wife is going to require a lot from you in the way of mental and spiritual strength. As someone else said, when she complains, that's your clue to sympathize, not fix it. Make sure to let her know nothing is going to change between the two of you because that will be one of her worst fears. It might be a small comfort, but it also means no more "monthly visitor" which you could play up as a positive!

It will not be a short, easy acceptance for your wife, and knowing that and preparing to be the strong, understanding target that your wife needs is what will bring her and your marriage through it. Just be fantastic for her!

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Old 04-16-2012, 11:04 PM   #30
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Trip286,

Sorry to hear you got blindsided by a divorce. If you don't keep your head on a swivel you'll never see them coming! :-0

I'm sure many of us here on FTF have gone through the same thing, if you feel like talking. Almost everything feels better if you can talk it out. :-)

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