hogger - no offense, but - YOU NAILED IT! A male animal with a lack of self-confidence is an absolute turnoff to a woman - An absolute turnoff! If, in fact, you are living at home, that too is a huge turnoff. You can't persuade a, 'hot chick' to put her trust in you when you're living with your parents.
Personally, I don't think it's a matter of, 'you not doing what you want'. A self-confident adult male doesn't really care about what others think of him. Instead he cares about
: (1) What he thinks of himself; and (2) what those he loves think of him. Everyone else can come and go as they please. (Except the boss. Those guys have a damned annoying way of making their opinions count!)
Me? I grew up in a military school environment. It was tough and the weak among us usually spent their nights crying themselves to sleep. Straight-off, I had to learn that it was better to fight and lose than it was not to fight at all. Even on those days when I didn't feel like believing in myself, I still had to; otherwise, I would have been consumed by the, (What shall I say?) 'negative group dynamic'.
Some of my early lessons included: Learning how to believe in myself; a prerequisite to this is to develop - by trial and error if necessary - a functional and necessary sense of self-confidence. Believe it, or not, another thing I learned is to never, never violate my own conscience. A, 'clean conscience' can make you strong; at the same time a, 'dirty conscience' can make you weak. So, I've got to ask; 'How is your conscience?' (It's rhetorical; and, you don't need to answer that question.)
(I, once, lost a rough fight that I knew I could, and should, have won. Know, 'Why'? Because I'm the one who picked it; and, when the punches started landing hard, I suddenly discovered that I didn't really have what it took to give it back! Conscience is more of a force in our daily lives than most people fully realize.)
If you believe in yourself (Which includes the concept of, 'knowing yourself') if you are able to learn through trial and error in the same way that everybody else does, THEN, you will find that others are beginning to seek you out instead of the other way around.
Keep yourself clean in body and mind. When you do be proud of that fact! Develop AND maintain a clean conscience; and, be careful not to violate your own personal code of ethics. Stop worrying about what other people think; most of them are on the, 'path to Hell' anyway. If you don't excel at some sort of physical sport, find one that you can excel at and practice it regularly.
Long range marksmanship, combat handgunning, or trap shooting could be that sport! Use regular practice in such an activity to develop your own, 'persona'. (A strong personal presence is a great confidence builder.) Now, I have absolutely no doubt that you love your parents; but, quite apparently, you need to, 'cut the umbilical cord'. Your parents made a life for themselves; you need to do the same thing for yourself; and, you need to base this decision on what you believe to be best for yourself.
Sure, you might fail. So what! Pick yourself up and begin again the same way the rest of us do. If there is one thing - one thing - that completely destroys any chance you might have at independent reasoning and self-confidence, it is the FEAR OF FAILURE. Recognize this; face it; and start shouldering more of a risk-taker's attitude.
Now, while I will admit that I haven't done anything like this in the last several decades, (Yes, you read right!) when it comes to picking up beautiful women, ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING! Last year I ran into one of the boys from my old military school. Guess what he said about me? He told me that he remembered me as a guy who preferred to stay home on a Friday night rather than go out with anything less than a, 'spectacular female'.
He said that all the other boys would take whatever they could get, but, not me. I always had to have the best and most beautiful. You may wonder, 'How' I did this? Well, the truth is that I didn't always succeed. Plenty of really, 'hot' schoolgirls turned me down; but, (BUT) plenty of others did not!
(And, yes, my old high school roommate was right. That IS the type of boy I once was; and, I was very surprised he remembered me that way. Quite frankly, I always thought that HE was much better looking - as well as a better athlete - than me. Nevertheless I am the one who, rather obviously, dated those girls whom he had wanted to go out with!)
Hope I haven't been too rough on ya. I'm old, now; and don't waste my time, 'tickling other people's ears'. I thought you'd get more out of this if I straightforwardly told it to you like it is. Good luck!
PS: Want to know a, 'little secret'? Beyond a doubt I've had more than my fair share of very beautiful, highly intelligent women. (In fact there's one in the kitchen, right now, making fresh eggplant for me!) Truth be known, I never walked up to a beautiful woman with the intention of picking her up without some sort of, 'backup plan or remark in mind' if she were to say; 'No.'
If I thought that, 'No' were sincere, then, I'd immediately forget about her. If, however, I suspected that she wasn't quite sure, I'd lead her into the next step in, 'getting to know me better'. (Many women don't mean, 'No' when they say it, anyway. They're just unsure and want to keep their options open.) What's the psychological, 'giveaway' that tells you to try again? With me it was always whether or not she continued to listen to whatever I had to say.
Just so you know: There isn't a woman on this planet who doesn't like to be paid attention to - Not one! They all want to be catered to and, 'understood'. If you know how - or if you can learn - you can use this fact to your advantage.
Lastly, never take any of this, 'courting nonsense' seriously. It's not really personal. That good looking female who just shot you down has a 50/50 chance of ultimately making the wrong choice for herself and having a miserable marriage, or even worse! (It's a documented statistic: 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce before the 7th year; so how well are all these good looking women really doing?)