http://homeland.gov.safenow.org - what to do in an emergency
Some of my personal favourites:
Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.
Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds.
If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.
That closet door in your bedroom leads to the gates of Hell. Don't go there.